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A little thing
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Hi
Forgive the nebulous title, it's getting late and this post is written out of need, not desire. I am very good at one thing at least: listing my own shortcomings. We can start there. I am 25 (male) and would describe myself as a straggler. I have recently moved out of home, however am still heavily supported by my family. I have a license but wouldn't trust myself to drive, and have not done so in many months. My social life does not exist, however I may rely on one sibling (currently living with me) and a couple of colleagues for a small subset of social interaction. This is unlikely to change soon, because I am engaged in full-time study and lack both the necessary initiative and social skills. My attitude to my work could be described as "barely sufficient" and I struggle to meet expectations. I have no burning passions to draw from, however I do find certain things more worthwhile than others. Unfortunately, I have let myself go: I am plagued by low self esteem and succumb to bad habits. Among other things, this has caused a steady decline in many of my skills and is likely to have affected my physical fitness by now.
Fortunately, nothing is ever quite so bad. I find myself lacking in almost all aspects, but not quite so much that my dependence on other people isn't able to keep me afloat. Sometimes, I wonder if life hasn't been cruel enough to me. But such thoughts are a luxury, and an attempt to shift blame away from myself.
I am not diagnosed with anything, because I haven't really seen anyone, but I may suffer from some kind of high-functioning depression. I do not recall any dramatic onset event, it's more like I've been slipping into this comfortable darkness over a span of at least ten years. At first I had hope that I would find my way through. I am still wandering, and "hope" has become a philosophical conundrum.
In case there was any doubt, I have never had any intimate relationship. Much of my youth was spent travelling. When related, stories of my youth often meet with amazement. Even now, my work is still prestigious in a sense. This makes things worse: how could I live up to the life I purport to lead? I feel like half the person I was ten years ago.
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Hello Amidst, a person's life can deteriorate slowly over a period of time, one thing leading onto another and prevents us from breaking the chain that's keeping us there, and can not be overcome all of a sudden because you aren't sure where to begin, you have to resign yourself that you need an experienced person to unravel everything you've told us and to slowly direct you in the right direction over a period of time.
To think you can do this by yourself is unreasonable because you may get caught up on one point preventing you from understanding your situation and why you are able to move forward.
Being supported by your family is good, but sometimes this keeps you from being able to achieve your own dreams.
You need to list your shortcomings on some paper so that your doctor can view the situation you're in and then organise the help you need.
Geoff.
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hi amidst,
seeing a psychologist is a good move I think. You can get an assessment of what is going on with you and where to go from there to improve your situation.
Bear in mind it can take a few tries to find a psychologist that you feel gets you/ you’re comfortable with. So just see another one if you’re ill at ease with one. Your gp can provably point you in the right direction if you’re unsure where to start.
Take care of yourself, I’m sure things will get better for you 🙂, A
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Hi Amidst,
Welcome to the forum.
I agree with Amelia that you can consider seeing a psychologist, you can start with your GP for a referral. Don't try to self-diagnose or self-medicate, it'll easily lead you to a wrong way and make it even harder to get on the right track.
I can tell that you want something to light up your life. My suggestion is to try to start with simple things. For example, when you plan your career, think about your real interest, upgrade your skills via easily accessible online courses if necessary, and start with a part time entering level role which will not overwhelm you. In short, set small but achievable targets and go for them.
It's very helpful that you have a sibling and a small social network. Don't hurry to expand it, instead, you can focus on spending quality time with your sibling or friends.
Hope everything will get better and better.
Mark
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