A good morning

[Dimmerlights]

I’m writing this from my neighbourhood cafe after almost 2 hours of struggling to leave the warmth and comfort and my destination no matter what my mood is : my bed. To let you know a bit about myself , I’m someone who barely reaches out of my comfort zone, I’m also quite good with people, I go to the gym 6-7 times a week, I don’t always eat healthy but I like enjoying food and try not to feel guilty about it.

But I’m struggling from a very deep level. I grew up in a wealthy family , I had all my needs met, never had to work a day as a teenager , I was baby’ed... a lot, and now at 28 I’m still struggling to understand responsibilities as an adult.

I have always had a strained relationship with my family , I still do . I rarely finish anything I start. And I have a massive sense of insignificance and worthlessness that follows me around like a shadow. Every single day , I try to adopt some practice that has been prescribed by “successfull” people and I fail miserably.

i don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, or have mindless sex with random people and only rarely drink, I don’t put the effort into most relationships, I don’t have any skill, I am constantly comparing myself to literally everyone around me, I can feel such miserable loneliness in a room full of people and laughter, the voices in my head that keep screaming that I’ll never amount to anything is so painful that I constantly think of disappearing.

I also feel ashamed to even talk to my family because I feel I’m an embarrassment to them (they have always expected me to achieve great things academically as a child and I was compared to every other child who did better than me, at a point I was almost voluntarily underachieving as I was sick of the pressure that was put upon me by my culture).

i have an engineering and a business degree , haven’t used either in a career, I don’t even have a career. I even refused to go to my graduation as I felt it was all a joke.

Anyway I’m now in Australia, I have grown so much emotionally during my time away from my family. But every single day I feel there is this suffocating weight that’s on my chest, it’s almost impossible for me to even stick a toe out of my comfort line . I don’t even think my kind of life is worth living

[wannabe_alpha]

Hello Dimmerlights,

It was very good to read your thread. I could'nt get clearly why you think your life is'nt worth living. Please explain only if you feel comfortable.

Now here comes my feedback, please take it in good spirit 😄

First of all, what I could get is , you are comparing yourself to everyone else and thats what is resulting in you being worried or depressed. Its very important to know, WHAT EXACTLY YOU WAN TO BECOME and work accordingly.

Moreover, about you going out of your comfort zone, I could give you baby steps, and explicit advice if you open up more. However, as far as I can get the impression, you are perfectly normal person, who need not be worried, you go to gym and are good with people too! You have already won half of the battle!!!!

Another thing is, as you stated, its seems like you are depressed because you do not have a job. For this I would advice you to use the professional sites regularly, contact companies yourself, and try more harder. However, please be very clear that it takes time for good things to happen. Do not get distressed. Try to maintain equanimity and do not compare yourself with others. Everyone has a different story.

Please feel free to share more insights.