Hi, I’m a young girl who you can call Red, what’s a sad parody of my own name.
I haven’t been actually diagnosed for anything, but I believe I have a bipolar disorder... I experience the amazing highs only to drop down onto these empty bottomless lows and I find myself craving my euphoric highs even though they scare others around me because at least when I have those I don’t have to face reality head on.
I want to tell my parents, but I don’t know how and I’m scared to. I’m scared they’ll not understand, brush it off, or waste money on me only for there to be nothing wrong. But I know I need help to get better and finding out who I really am, am I a hyper outgoing person, or a needy sad child? It’s this never ending cycle of viscous thoughts that either appear to fast to remember or so achingly slow it hurts. There a constant ringing of thoughts in my ears that unnerves me to my core and makes me feel watched.
There a few things that have triggered them to be way worse than normal: my family’s financial problems, school friendship problems and a severe head injury that!s impaired my vision.
I don’t know or how to handle this because I’ve always been so busy I didn’t have time to think about how I feel and now with Codvid-19 lockdown over in my town I realised that now I can’t stop thinking about it. I know it’s pretty selfish for me to go and say my life is terrible when others could be suffering much worse fated than me, but it’s to much for me to handle sometimes...
Sorry for ranting on and on, I just need some advice on the first step of getting help and telling my parents and confirmation that this is a rational reaction to how I’m feeling and what’s happening.. I’m sure others might need a push for this first step too.
Thanks for reading at least.. Have a nice day/night and remember that I think you are all pretty cool and a lot braver than me.
-Red
