46 and completely lost!

[Lostself46]

I am completely lost! I feel useless and miserable. And I feel like people are sick of hearing my miserable stories. I’m also a carer, I look after my two sons with autism, my father with a brain injury and my mother with mobility issues. I have a daughter who is trying to be supportive but I see her struggling too, which breaks my heart. Iv been separated for 3 years and can’t seem to move on. I’m overweight, living on a carers pension and feel like I have nothing to give. I feel like I can never take a break from this as there is no support for me to have a break and plus no money which doesn’t help. I hit rock bottom today when another friend of mine who recently separated told me their dating someone and as happy as I was for them couldn’t help but think I’m being left behind. I just can’t seem to do anything right, iv missed appointments lately, leaving my bed is SO HARD as it’s the only place I enjoy being. And to top everything off 3 weeks ago I woke with nerve pain down my arm and I haven’t been able to rid myself of it. Iv had tests, ultrasounds, they have tried several different pain killers putting me in different states of being a zombie, not good for looking after others. I’m exhausted! I’m dead inside! I gave everything to others and now there is nothing left for me and totally lost myself in the process. I’m on antidepressants but they don’t seem to be working. Medical in the town I live costs quite a bit and I can’t always afford it, so I go without! Iv lost all of my fight and I just want to rest!

[mortal_456]

So sorry to hear your plight Lostself. Life can be rough at times and yet one has to plow on.

I'm on a limited income myself but thankfully like a read or two thru my public library, all for free. It's good escapism well deserved obviously for you.

Best wishes, just another mortal

[carer1]

I so know how u feel im 58 and a carer , ive cared for my brother till he died , my father till he died my mum died a year ago next month , plus all the fights and battles for help that never comes, im on anti depressants the psych ( that I cant get to now because I cant travel due to arthritis and spinal issues ) upped the dose but it doesn't help. we have been waiting 6 years to see a dentist. what little savings I had , I had to spend on daughters teeth our neighbourhood is not friendly ( quite hostile ) I dont know why I said hello when we moved here and they ignored me. yesterday as I was driving out of our drive way I saw a dead rat on the road out front , when I came back it was on our drive way. in the last 6 months Ive been diagnosed with 3 types of arthritis, moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears then two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer with no transport to treatment. there is no where to turn no one to help. ive cared for so many not just family now I need care and there is no one.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lostself46,

It certainly sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it is no wonder you are feeling tired and exhausted, have depression and all else you are feeling.

You mentioned you can not get any help or support, that is such a shame. I presume you have spoken to your Dr about any possible assistance you may be able to receive?

I'm wondering if you call the Beyond Blue help line on 1300 22 4636, the support people may be able to suggest some places you can gain support in your area. Can Centrelink help at all with suggestions?

While you are having some time out in your bed, could you be listening to some music, do some kind of craft or hobby, read a bit of a book or look in magazines. Can you find even 1/2 an hour each day just for yourself?

Seeing your friend entering a new relationship and a new chapter in her life must be hard for you. It is lovely you want to be happy for her and very understandable about how you are feeling. We all want to be loved, cared for and happy.

Hope you feel welcome here on the forum. There are many different sections including a social zone you might like to have a look at some time.

I really do hope you are able to find some support somewhere!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Jackson85]

Hi Lostself46,

Thanks for sharing your story, you sound like an amazing person. It must be incredibly difficult looking after both of your sons, and your parents, and I totally understand how you would be absolutely exhausted. I think Dools is onto something here, though, in trying to find just something small that you can do for yourself. You have spent all of your time caring for those around you, and you absolutely deserve your own love, just as you give it so willingly to those around you.

Maybe you can try (and I know it's not easy) to change the narrative of how you view your life, that is, try to take a new perspective about what you accomplish and how much pride you should feel in that. When you say that you care for your two sons, and your father, and your mother, it makes me think that you must be the most selfless person around. The caring is no doubt exhausting, but your story, when I hear it, is one of amazing resilience, and determination, and initiative, and love, and care. And if you heard that someone else was accomplishing all you were, wouldn't you say they deserved a little time and love for themselves? I know there are practical difficulties if you simply don't have time, but sometimes we assign time issues as practical, but really we don't feel we can take that time ourselves.

It would be great if you could see a psychologist, as they can give you that time and support and care that you may be feeling short of. These forums are great, because we get to hear how you're doing and offer our support, but a psychologist can give it to you face to face, and work with you to make everything manageable. Your GP should be able to help you with a referral so you get rebates; it can be quite reasonable.

Hang in there, and feel free to keep the chat going 🙂

Jackson85