Should I cut my losses or can I salvage 3 more appointments?

[NightOwl]

Let me first start by saying therapy is NOT what I ever expected it to be. Maybe I've watched too many movies! It's hard and I definitely wasn't prepared!!

I started seeing a psychologist in January. I have 10 bulk billed appointments. The first 7 have unfortunately gone nowhere. I can't afford to continue with therapy on my own.  I'm not clicking with her, I have failed miserably in opening up and it turns out she's not a mind reader. She gets hold of tiny trivial bits of information and she's like a dog with a bone, trying to make some sense out of it when it's really irrelevant to why I'm there. Can't blame her for that.

Basically I think it's too late. The reason I've stuck with it is: a. She is literally THE ONLY psych in my area. And b. I'm holding onto that tiny bit of Hope that things may get easier and I'll be able to open up to her. But at this stage I don't think it's going to happen. I've tried writing things down, but I can't bring myself to give it to her. I have all the conversations in my head about the things I'm going to say but when I get in there I freeze up and can barely string a sentence together. 

Can I salvage anything from my last 3 appointments or have I blown it? I can't exactly start from the start now giving her the background insight into my life. I should have done that from day one. Lesson learnt. I feel like I'm wasting her time and she's also becoming frustrated. She just expects that I will have nothing to say now and the small talk or insights into how wonderful HER life is, is driving me nuts.

[BenD]

Hi NightOwl,

You can't blame yourself for not feeling comfortable around someone, sometimes people just don't click. Good on you for trying to make it work, but my advice would be to try your best to seek someone else out. Even 1 session with someone that gets you will help.

I've had 3 different councilors before, the 1st was the most experienced and identified my problems straight away but lost me in her communication, the 2nd was a gorgeous young girl that made me feel uncomfortable (I'm a 22 year old male) and the 3rd was just right, had the experience and the communication (kinda like Goldilocks huh? 🙂

Definitely give someone else a go, it could make a world of difference.

All the best 🙂

Ben

[geoff]

dear NightOwl,only having three more appointments is now cutting it very fine and doesn't give you much time, but before I continue can you answer this please, was the 10 free visits/appointments made last yearin '14 and it wasn't until January till you could see her, because if it was then you are entitled to 10 free visits in '15 as they renew every year.

By the way you have been talking this could be possible, because you can't get to see a psychologist the next day, so you may have 13 free visits, but you can let us know.

If this is the case then you need to find another psychologist, and your best option is to actually print out or write down what is troubling yourself, this will overcome your fer of not being able to open up to them.

After 7 visits nothing will become out of seeing this psychologist, but if you only have 3 visits left, then go to your doctor and ask him/her if they can give you another 5 or so free visits.

Hope you can get back to us. Geoff.

[NightOwl]

I'm a little confused as to how the free sessions work! My original referral was in December last year and I saw her once before Christmas. I got a letter stating that I had 6 free visits then I needed a Dr referral again to get 4 more.

At appointment 6 she said I needed to go back to my GP but because she didn't have time to write her part of a letter to the GP suggesting more visits she booked in appt 7 first. So now I have been to 7 and have to get a referral for what I just assumed was 3 more to equal the 10. I wasn't sure how it worked 'per year' when I did start the process last year. Too confusing!!

[geoff]

dear NightOwl, yes it is confusing, but each year you are entitled to 10 free visits.

So if you still have 3 free visits from last year, that's OK because you now have another 10 free visits this year, so that makes it 13 visits that you can use. Geoff.

[NightOwl]

Thanks Geoff, maybe I should check that with her. If I had of realised that I may have thought a bit sooner about trying to get in somewhere else. Even if it did mean travelling 3 hours!

[BKYTH]

A relationship with a therapist is difficult to establish for both parties. You have articulated very well your own failings in this matter. Writing things down is very helpful but is of use to her if you don't give her the opportunity to read what you have written...............Therapy is hard. Knowing where to begin or what to say is a challenge that many of us can identify with.  Perhaps you could write down issues you would like to discuss with her and mail it to her. Your inability to open up is understandable as you might be afraid to articulate thoughts and feeling that you would rather repress than express........Perhaps you are afraid of being judged. Of feeling embarrassed. I have experienced all of these and others.........But you must overcome this fear or reluctance. The 7 sessions haven't been wasted because they have made you aware of this issue that you need to address........As you said yourself she is not a mind reader. Give her the chance to help you.

[Chibam]

NightOwl said:

I'm a little confused as to how the free sessions work!

Medicare is confused as to how this system works! I was in therapy a few years back and every time we asked a different person at the medicare office about how it worked, we got a different answer! The biggest confusion was whether it reset on January 1, or reset 12 months from the day I first signed up for it.

In regard to your original inquiry, assuming that you do only have 3 sessions left then maybe it might be best for you to just ride them out? That way, if your finances are a known issue, then the end of your free sessions would be a completely reasonable reason for you to stop seeing the therapist. However, if you have more then 3 sessions, and the therapist knows that you have more then 3 sessions, then getting out may be a lot trickier.

As to the question of whether there's any hope for your therapist to be of help to you, I would say "don't underestimate your instincts." Despite what the professionals might say, we understand ourselves and our needs much better then anyone. Our instincts tend to be marvellously well tuned hot-cold meters in this regard. So if your gut is telling you that the course your therapist is charting for you will lead to a place that will be bad for you, I would say that you should get out of that therapy at your earliest opportunity. On the other hand, if your gut is telling you that your therapist is a promising chance to get where you need to go, then you should likewise go with your gut and try to stay with that therapist if you can.