Schizophrenic brother denying illness and refusing NDIS and expecting us to pay his rent

[scully78]

Hello, I have a 40 yr old brother with schizophrenia who lives by himself in a renal flat. He struggles to find and hold down a job and cannot afford to pay his rent. My older sister decided to pay his rent a couple of years ago and soon decided we should split it evenly, as it was too expensive for her on an ongoing basis. The plan was to get him into the NDIS, which would mean his rent would mostly be covered and he could get the support he needs. He has been in a state of delusion for at least 2 years now and has no motivation to find a job, but seems to be having fun with life.

A year ago, I decided to pull out of paying his rent. He was showing absolutely no interest in taking his meds or getting help to improve to the point where he could hold down a job. He refuses to accept he has a medical condition and thinks we are trying to get him into a CIA "program" as per his delusions. So, anything we do to get him medicated, he thinks is our attempt to get him into this program. We had him hospitalised, but he charmed his way out of being admitted and also managed to fool the community care to leave him alone. He is refusing any help and seems to get a thrill out of beating us at this "game". 

I received a call from my sister today who is struggling financially as his rent has gone up and she wants financial assistance with his rent. She earns well, but is feeling the pinch with the cost of living increasing and his rent increasing as well. She didnt want to listen to anything I had to say, just that she needs help with is rent and if I want to pay, it would help her. 

This vicious cycle has no end. She and other siblings, dont want him to end up living in community care facilities, whereas, I think it would be good for him. He would have access to proper support and this endless cycle of paying his rent that is destroying the family will come to an end. I have been pretty outcast since deciding to stop paying his rent a year ago and I do not want to be sucked into this again. There is no end!!!

What options do we have with a man that refuses his condition, does not want to be part of the NDIS, and doesn't care that he is draining my family financially? He is very unwell, can be hard to talk to and has been in this state for too long. We cannot get any help and ive had enough of this!

[Croix]

Dear Scully78~

Welcome back to the Forum. I"m sorry your brother does not seem to be improving and it does leave you in a difficult position.

I guess it comes down to a couple of things, the first being your motivation for stopping his rent assistance. If you genuinely believe that he would be better in a different environment and this was one way of getting him there then it would seem clear-cut.

However as the remainder of your family may simply financially stretch further that change might not happen, and in the  meantime there may be bad feeling you are not pulling your weight.

Do you think a family conference where your brother's best options are discussed may lead out of this  situation? If you were able to demonstrate the benefits of community care as against his current situation perhaps they may see things in a different light

Croix

[scully78]

Dear Croix,

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been thinking of a family conference, but they're all exhausted by this. We've had them in the past and we just go around in circles. My older sister decided last year she would take care of the NDIS application but has not done so yet. So, this morning I decided to contact his gp and finally get the ball rolling.

My brother didn't seem to get aggressive when I called him to let him know I think he needs the NDIS support, at least to find a job and support his family financially by reducing financial pressure. I am hoping he is cooperative this time as circumstances have changed this year compared to last.

He hasn't had a job in months, and hasn't needed to, as the family have ensured his financial needs are met. But he needs to get out of his unit and needs to be financially independent if there is any hope of recovery in the future. He has been in a psychosis for over 2 years now and he will only deteriorate if he stays home all day and if the family continue to enable his behaviour. He hasn't had motivation to work, but im hoping he will now feel the need to help his family that have supported him for so long.

Fingers crossed!!!!!

Scully78 

[Croix]

Dear Scully78~

Well it sounds more hopeful. Of course you are right having everything provided does sap motivation, however perhaps you can sell the idea of work if you paint it in terms of self esteem, even bravery, rather  than logical argument about finances.

With the family if your talks have been confined to each other there may be very little reason for attitudes ot change. It may take somone in authority from outside giving the facts that may make them pause and think about what they are doing, and if it is good for your brother in the long term

Good luck

Croix

[scully78]

Dear Croix,

Unfortunately he is not cooperating with the NDIS plan. I have made the suggestion to change our approach from appealing to his sympathy, to combining that with your self esteem suggestion and the family seem happy with this idea, so thank you :). We may need to sit him down and have a chat as he won't listen to his gp or anybody else on this matter. He just seems to want the family to pay his rent so he can get on with life. 

Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions though?? What did you mean by someone in authority from outside giving the facts that may make them pause and think about what they are doing?? Im assuming this is in relation to paying his rent?

Also, am I wrong to not contribute to his rent? I did for a time, but realised he will only get worse by staying home all day, thinking. Both myself and my brother think we will only go around in circles with my older sister paying his rent and there will be no hope of him getting better as there will be no reason to leave home. Older sister is scared he will lose his unit if the payments cease (she refuses to stop paying), but I seem to think he will do anything necessary to keep his place. They're terrified he will end up homeless (were all scared of that), but he is very good at sourcing money, and I think he will find a way to keep his unit. Or, if he loses it, community care is available and this may be what needs to happen in order for him to get some much needed care. 

I dont know! This situation seems so hopeless

[Croix]

Dear Scully78~

I don't know about hopeless, sometimes one simply has to keep on pushing until something changes.

When I said 'somebody in authority' I felt that if you and your family (including sister) were able ot talk to his medical team and they agreed that his current situation was not helping then your family may look on paying his rent differently.

I'm glad your brother sounds sensible, and yes losing a unit might be a big risk, perhaps if you have a concrete plan mapped our with a place in community care guaranteed and  his medical team thinks it is a good idea then it might not seem so much of a risk. I would imagine however this would only be possible if NDIS was granted.

Of course I guess there could be a possibility your 40 year old brother might be able to stay in his unit if he was able to contribute to the rent. On that basis supplementing whatever he earned would be rather different from letting him simply rely upon having everything paid for. As you say at the moment he has no motivation to do anything, hte thoght of losing his unit may help wiht that.

It is a really difficult situation and I'm not sure there is a right answer, I do think that your own relations with  your family are very important and you do all need to have an agreed plan, even if not ideal.

If you would like to let us know how you go that would be great

Croix