Scary First appointment with Psychologist

[JulesD]

Hi All im new here and would love to hear from you. I have my first appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and admit its making me nervous. What can i expect i feel more and more anxious as the day draws closer, i know its meant to help but im really not sure i want to go.

[Touille]

Hey JulesD,

Welcome to the forum.

It's great you are going to see a psychologist, they are trained to help people with a non judgmental approach. Please go, it will help you to open up and discuss what is bothering you. Feel free to discuss your issues on here to if you want. There is plenty of caring people ready to help.

I have been to a psychologist and counsellors before and it's a good feeling to get my problems off my chest.

Try and focus on the future outcome of getting better and that will give you the motivation to go.

So, do you suffer from anxiety or depression?

Hugs,

Touille.

[JulesD]

Hi Touille good to have some feedback thank you for your support. I have depression and anxiety for as long as i can remember, as a child i could not work out why i felt so sad lonely confused and helpless, now i realise it was the start of it all. Its a long story and i will need to sit down and tell it all, maybe after my appnt when i can hopefully clear my thoughts a bit more and focus better. Im on medication as of 2 weeks ago and feel more settled in myself my mind isnt racing a million miles an hour. Im just worried talking and thinking about the whole thing will make me feel worse... i know i have to go to move forward but saying all this crazy stuff out loud is unnerving.

[Nikkir]

Hi JulesD and welcome,

That is great that you will see a psychologist and have some support. The first session is normally a form and basic information and background like family, kids, work basic information and they may ask you what you hope to get out of the session or what you want to focus on. It is important that you feel you can work with this person, might be hard to tell after one but if not there are plenty of qualified psychologists and therapists so you need to feel safe and not judged and relaxed as well as confident in the therapists ability to help you. I absolutely love seeing a professional like that though I don't get the chance anymore because I have finished my Diploma and it was a requirement. It was great to off load any worries or explore unhelpful behaviours in a confidential way where it was a safe space, I miss it 🙂 All the best! Feel free to keep in touch with us if you feel you would like to. Best Wishes Nikkir 🙂

[JulesD]

Thankyou Nikkir i appreciate the info i will try and make the most of the opportunity to talk and hopefully resolve some issues. After so many years of covering feelings up and hiding behind false smiles i hope to get some clarity and a calmer mind. I will post after my appnt and let you all know how i go fingers crossed

[Cornstarch]

There is a lot of anticipation in your post, you only need half a brain to feel it.

You will probably be underwhelmed, not necessarily because they aren't the right fit, or good at their job, but you obviously have a lot to get off your chest.

It's a slow process and you have to have realistic expectations. Otherwise you will fault them immediately and bolt if you want it all fixed tomorrow. That said if they're lousy at their job, don't go back, there are others out there.

This may sound strange but you know you're onto a good one when they irritate you a little. That means they are challenging you and possibly shining a light on blind spots. Anger can indicate a healthy transition if you have been resisting change.

Good luck. See you in Antarctica depending on tonights result in the US. I am traumatised.

[Nikkir]

Hi JulesD,

Thank you for your reply 🙂 Yes good luck and its great that you have taken steps towards healing and peace. I absolutely loved having someone to talk to and that in itself was helpful. I hope you get what you need. We would love to hear how you go. Best Wishes Nikkir x

[JulesD]

Well first appnt over and i am underwhelmed Cornstarch BUT i will carry on with the process and booked my next session. I have only scratched the surface and they acknowledged the same feelings so we are on the same page which is good to know. We made loose plans for further meetings and I feel intrigued to see if it all works more than anything else.

After so many years of ups and downs i yearn a steady smooth pathway through life, i have so much to look forward to but the pathway looks broken at the moment, i guess this is how i feel broken !

The start of my life story

I remember as a very small child waking at night calling for mum and no one came, this would happen regularly it seemed to be all the time. Crying myself to sleep and feeling abandoned was normal.

I later found out mum went to bingo friday nights with friends and dad sat downstairs letting me cry and call out.

As i grew up my parents always had saturday nights with friends sometimes staying out over night drinking and partying or driving home drunk ( it was all different in the 70's) me and little sister sitting at home mostly with a babysitter but sometimes not.

Then they had parties at home, the scary uncle would come in my bedroom and talk with his booming drunken voice laughing as he would tear down posters from the bedroom wall because he thought the boy band was sad or pathetic...

The childrens day trip from the local bar is a day i will not forget, my sister and myself were sent on our own we were around 9 & 12, our parents told us we would be taken care of and would be taken to the fair and on the beach with the other children who had their parents with them !

We got on the coach and off we went, when the coach parked up everyone left and we were on our own. As a shy anxious child i did not know how to find the beach or the fair, so we walked the streets around the shops until it was time to leave.

our parents were drinking in the bar when we returned no real surprise and i was exhausted with worry

when i have more time and more characters left to use i will talk more (sorry for rambling) thank you for listening

[Cornstarch]

I'm sorry your session was underwhelming, they often are when we are broken because we want to be fixed! Like right now! Hurry up god damn it, stitch up the freak show.

I was on the brink of totally giving up on clinical psychologists myself but gave someone one last chance......and bingo. It was absolutely exhausting shopping around. I can totally understand why people stop.

Your parents were neglectful, there's no other word for it. Disgracefully neglectful. That is appalling. It took decades for neglect to be recognised as damaging to ones development, and just as harmful as other types of abuse.

Unfortunately you get emotions if you want them or not and that would naturally bring up a lot of anger, you have to somehow process it somehow and not turn it inward. It is so hard.

My motherly neglect was not intentional, she was extremely sick and it wasn't her fault, but the emotions about the neglect come up if I want them to or not. She often failed to pick me up from preschool and primary school, I was used to it.

But one day she failed to turn up after I'd recently survived a violent crime. I will never forget that feeling waiting out the front of preschool, and all the cars are gone and she is nowhere to be seen.

Mum couldn't get in cars to come and get me, and yet Dad was always throwing me in cars. He used to take me to women's houses and I would have to wait in the lounge room until they had sex, and no they did not always close the door.

I totally get the selfish parent thung Miss J.

xx

[Nikkir]

Hi JulesD,

Thank you for taking the time to write back and to let us know how you went 🙂 I am sorry to hear that you were underwhelmed but I think this is common because we each have expectations and sometimes they are not met. I personally hoped for a fast miracle transformation maybe not the first day but getting a glimpse of it the first day:) It is good that you have decided to persevere and book another appointment. It took quite a while before I got deep and realisations and strategies to change but having a safe space to talk to someone was something I have come to really value and often just by talking about something we can sometimes make some conclusions or realisations in our head. It sounds like you had a difficult and quite lonely and unsettling childhood. I can relate in a way because things were different. There was no random breath checks, people drank alot and drove or just partied all night at people's houses and kids just had to play quietly or sleep. I am sorry that this has left sadness and maybe some anxiety because a child needs to feel safe and secure and wanted and this leads to a secure happy adult. The good news is that we can work through these things and change. If you find the right therapist and make the committment to do it, you can reframe these experiences and do mindfulness and breathing to realise that "YOU ARE OK RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT". If you look around right now most of the time in this moment we are ok, it is our mind that tricks us. Sometimes in this moment we are not ok, but mostly we are. I think you are really courageous dealing with all of this and I know it can be painful and confronting. We are here for you, you can ring us on 1300 22 4636 or chat online anytime. Wishing you all the best : ) Nikkir x