The warmest of welcomes to you as you face such an incredibly challenging time in your life, a time you really need people to relate to.
I think one of the things that really triggers me about postpartum or postnatal depression is when I hear people speak of nothing other than 'hormonal issues'. From my own experience I'd say it can be so much more than that. In hindsight it can be much easier to make sense of it all, yet at the time it just feels impossible. It is physically challenging, mentally challenging and can even feel soul destroying in many ways. So, with 3 key factors in play, it's far more than just physical (hormonal).
While both my babies are now 19 and 21 years old, what made a massive difference to me was postnatal depression group therapy. This was something I participated in after my second child. It was a relief to meet other women who felt the way I did. It was a normal feeling amongst this group of women, which offered some relief (feeling 'normal'). It was also a chance to relate and compare notes, which included all the typical triggering comments people make toward women who are struggling with motherhood. While I can look back now and laugh over a lot of those insane comments, at the time they were far from laughable. They were downright depressing. A few examples
- In regard to the depressing struggle with breastfeeding, 'You just need to try harder'. What the hell?! I think bleeding nipples and an overworked breast pump kinda qualifies me as trying pretty damn hard😡
- In regard to the sleep deprivation 'You just need to get some sleep'. Bit of a problem there. How can you 'get some sleep' if you don't get the opportunity to go to sleep all that often? Hmmm🤔 Btw, sleep deprivation is still used as a form of torture in some parts of the world. It messes with a human being something shocking
- In regard to resenting your own child in a whole number of ways, how do you live with that while also hating yourself on top of it? 'You'll be right' or 'It's just a hormonal thing some women go through' is the kind of 'advice' that just doesn't cut it. The demand to know why such feelings exist can become tormenting and don't get me started on inner dialogue. There are some inner demons that can be triggered to life, making life feel like hell on earth. When inner dialogue becomes 'You're a failure as a mother. You're hopeless. What is wrong with you?!' etc etc, it can feel like your inner demons are picking your soul apart. So, with 'You'll be right', no, I don't think so. It's not as simple as that
Whether it be depression or postnatal depression (specifically), as I've mentioned to people before 'With that light at the end of the tunnel, if you turn the tunnel sideways it becomes the light at the top of the tunnel and that tunnel can be a deep depression'. So, 'How to raise our self or be raised?' becomes the question. If you don't mind, I'll come down and sit with you for a while as you read this post, just so you're not alone. I'll try and bring some light as well, in the hope that you feel it. 🙂❤️
