I have an appointment with my Dr next week but I really don’t hold much hope and am scared of going through the process of trying meds and making things worse and having to pull myself through it again. Not sure why I am writing this I guess I just wanted to say it out loud. Have done years of CBT and it helped a bit but yup still dealing with depression and anxiety all these years later.
All of these medications need at least 6 weeks to work to their potential. Prior to that it is a struggle most times.
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Given all the years some people study chemistry and biology, in order to gain greater understanding, 'Here, we'll get you to try this medication' is often all we get when trying to alter our own chemistry and biology. I believe an entire session dedicated to the basics of altering our chemistry (including the challenges that can come with that) should be a must in a lot of cases. A basic education can be empowering.
When it comes to chemistry, I have visions of a mad scientist in a lab adding elements to a beaker. Some combined elements will be explosive or too intense, some will have no reaction at all and some will produce the perfect reaction. In my earlier years with depression, I can say in hindsight I was a 'sad scientist'. Desperate to find what worked, when adding chemistry (from a med) to my own internal chemistry, there were good reactions and not so good ones. While it's been more than a couple of decades since I tried managing my mental health through meds, I've found over the years that questioning my chemistry and why it's doing what it's doing at any given time is another way of managing.
While I'm somewhat of a mind/body/spirit kind of gal, I've found it amazing when it comes to just how much ties into chemistry and physical function or dysfunction. For example, while spirituality speaks of love from one angle, chemically it becomes about oxytocin etc. While spirituality speaks of inspiration as a high end emotional experience that we can sense, in the world of chemistry it's seen as something that can be felt through our dopamine receptors when they get a hit. I smile when I say chemistry is very unromantic. In the world of psychology, a lot can also be about chemistry. Kind of like 'If I can change your way of thinking, I can change your chemical reactions in relation to how you think'. With a rabbit hole of self understanding, you go in through one point of origin, in order to gain greater self understanding, then come across three offshoots (mind, body and soul). The further in you go, the more you begin to find intersecting points. Take imagination for example. As a component of the mind, what you imagine will produce a chemical reaction in the body that you can feel. From a soulful or in some cases soul destroying perspective you are a seer who can feel everything they see. Technically, you're able to see the worst way forward in some cases. Shift perspective and how you use your imagination and you become someone who can feel and see the best way forward, while getting hits of dopamine to the brain. Yes, far easier said than done at times.
While some people manage chemically with meds (for good reason in some cases), some will choose a purely psychological path and then there are some who'll go down the route of psycho-spiritual therapy. I think, when it comes down to it, it's all about exploring and finding what works.