newly diagnosed and wondering if meds are working

[MedievalPhil]

I have never made a post for anything before..   I have spent my whole life knowing I was different to everyone else.  I've attempted suicide once, but thought about it a lot.  2 kids to 2 relationships and just found out on Tuesday I am not the biological father of the youngest.  It's been the worst year yet this year.  going through family courts is a nightmare.  it ends next week with a conference to nut out the final details for custody of her and I still get to have her in my life, I am desperate for it to be over though. 

I sought help many times in the last decade especially, I've gone to gp's on 4 occasions, got referals to psychologists on mental health plans... achieved absolutely

nothing... they didn't even diagnose me with depression... even took myself to the emergency room once and they sent me home..I didn't understand that the behaviours I exhibited were out of my control, I had and still have to be honest a lot of shame and guilt about my behaviour.  I've isolated myself from anyone whoever wanted to be my friend.  I don't know how to be friends with people...I'm reasonably attractive for middle aged man, but girls always say I am super full on... but I don't know how to be any other way....

 I diagnosed myself this year as going through the family courts exacerbated my symptoms to the point where my highs were almost a euphoric feeling... up til then I had week long batches of feeling hyperactive, super confident, anything was possible.... but I thought everyone had that.....  no one ever asked the right questions... but when I had that massive high this year I knew something was wrong... I did a bit of internet research and was shocked when I read through the symptons for bipolar.... it was a scary shock because I matched everything.. I  took myself to the gp, he gave me an referral to a psychiatrist and I got diagnosed on the spot....

I've been on medication now for 3 months, but only on full dose for about 4 weeks... I had some pretty bad side effects at first... but all good now... but I don't feel any different.... is this normal?.. should I be feeling different now?  will I feel different after all this court stuff is over?... am I still a mess because of the dna test and once I accept this will I get better?... I don't trust doctors telling me what I should and shouldn't feel... I trust other bipolar people because you are living it?  Is there hope because I was expecting to be better by now and

I still feel hopeless?

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[HA1]

Hi M Phil - Thank you for your post & welcome to the BB forum.

I am sure that others with Bipolar experience will shortly reply to your post.

Although I do not have Bipolar (hmmm .. maybe), I do like your question "should I be feeling different know?".  I ask myself that every day.  I am on a max dose of ADs; yet I guess I do not feel any different from before.  If they will make me 'better', how does better feel like?

I also look forward to reading the replies to your post.

Take care,

K

[white knight]

Hi MP, welcome to beyond Blue forums.

My experience with several different types of medications is that they take up to 8 weeks to "kick in". Up the dosage and that time frame is the same for the increase dose as well.

It takes time to get the right meds for you. Once you get the right meds fine tuning the dose is required. But, its worth the wait. You have to be patient and this is a lifetime of management rather than take a pill and it will be ok. Accept that its a long haul thing and it will be easier to handle.

You are right though on your personal problems to a degree. Once your court stuff is finalised it will help. Stress caused by these issues effect your stability. Been there done that.

Other factors everyone with mental health should consider are: financial restructure to accommodate a rocky working attendance record if that comes (could be a move out from inner city to country etc eg trade down), reconsider friends and family to distance oneself if they are toxic or erratic to you, seek a workplace that doesnt include bullying or harassment etc. preferably working alone. Get yourself sorted.

Keep regular appointments with your GP and psych. Sometimes we can have some symptoms from other illnesses crossing over  eg initially I was diagnosed with aDHD hover years alter they found my behaviour was mania with likely a touch of aDHD. That's what they said anyway. This sort of thing may require some extra of change of medication.

Whatever your situation you want the best for your children. And as for the one that you are not the real father - I applaud you when you said you will still have contact. Many children have non biological parents but it doesnt matter a damn. The love is the real deal.

Take care.  Hope you hang here when needed.

They are my views.