NEWBIE - Have just come off meds and doent know if what I am experiencing is normal or not?

[MelB2]

Hi, I am new to the forums and wanted to get some feedback from fellow sufferers.  I have just come of an antidepressant after being on it for about 10 years. I was on a low maintenance dose for the last few years and finally felt I was strong enough to come off it all together. I have a family history of depression and anxiety on both my Maternal and Paternal side, but was only diagnosed when I had major breakdown after the birth of my first child. Once I got well I could see that basically since I was a teen I had been experiencing depression on and off, but didnt know it. In fact the post-natal breakdown was not my first, but as I never shared with anyone what was going on in my head no-one knew about it. Anyway, I ceased my meds nearly 3 weeks ago - weaned off as per the doctors instructions - and now I am having periods of great sorrow or great anger for little or no reason. I am wondering if this is like a period of stabilisation and it is a normal part of not having the chemicals helping to keep me level? We just came back from a holiday about a week ago and since then it seems to have come on quite badly. I thought it might be post holiday blues, but am really nervous that I might be relapsing. I am scared also that having been on the meds for so long, Ive forgotten what "normal" feels like. All I know is that I am not happy at the moment.

[cancerianmoon]

Hi MelB2 and welcome!

I'm a newbie as well. I'm not a medical practitioner so can't address your concerns from that angle but I did come off meds just over 2 years ago.

I remember feeling overwhelmed by a range of emotions flooding through me. I remember telling a counsellor that it was like the tide rushing into shore.  Her acknowledgement was that I hadn't felt emotion for so long, due to the meds.

I do think it's important for you to have some support at this crucial time, so it's good you have posted here!  You say you came off meds as per doctors instructions.  Is there a follow up plan from them? Try not to focus on what normal feels like...lets face it, really, who does know...is there even an answer...

I can relate to how you're feeling.  It can be an incredibly lonely experience so please take hope in the knowledge you are definitely not alone; there are many of us who feel just like you; but we have each other for support!

Warm wishes,

Cancerianmoon

[geoff]

dear Mel, hello and welcome aboard.

I see that you have said ' periods of great sorrow or great anger', as there was another post saying does 'depression cause anger to turn inwards', and you have just proven that this is true, as there was much discussion on this topic.

There is always a thought that people think that because they are feeling better that they can now stop taking their antidepressants, but it's this medication that is making you feel better and as soon as you stop you then crash and fall back into PND or depression, and as it's been in the family before and also with yourself I would go back to your doctor.

I do not mean to be telling you what to do, I just worry that your condition will become worse, sorry, but I know that I will be taking my AD's for the rest of my life, because I fall into a heap of depression if I miss a day or so, so maybe done the track you can stop taking them, but please not now.

My ex had PND and she was in a terrible state, but she refused to take any medication, so it lasted for a number of years, and then I was diagnosed with depression but I'm sure I have been suffering for many years.

Please don't be upset with me, just saying. L Geoff. x

[MelB2]

Hi Cancerianmoon, I did reply the other day but its not here so Im guessing I hit the wrong button or something.  Just wanted to say thanks for replying to me.  i definately identify with the "flood of emotions statement".  I am seeing a new therapist in a few days so Im hoping this will help.  I really want to avoid going back on the meds if I can.  I have tried counselling before but never stuck with it as both times it seemed like they wanted to try and fix other people in my life.  I want to learn how to cope with what life throws at me without having a meltdown.   I dont want to have to drag my 70 year old father into a pyschs office and go through all his failings as a father 30 years ago.  He knows he stuffed up and that acknowledgement is enough for me.  Thanks again for your reply. 

[MelB2]

Thanks for your reply Geoff.  I can assure you I never want to go back to the point I was at when I got diagnosed.  I just need someone to tell me if feeling all these emotions so strongly is part of some sort of stablising period or a sign that I am slipping again.  I came off meds under my doctors guidance and followed her instructions religously.  Im seeing a new therapist in a few days so Im hoping this will help too, but if the advice is go back on the meds, trust me, I will listen to it.  I also have to say I have found these forums to be very helpful.  I am so glad i joined.  Thanks again.