Learning to grieve

[Auto-Pilot]

Hey guys. New here so bare with me. My story leading me here started 6 months ago. Dad was diagnosed with acute leukemia end of May, after 2 years of many health complications and never getting any answers. Fast forward 6 months and after much confronting scenarios with dad, marital issues that are so so foreign to me, and finishing studies….dad past away on December 1st. This happened to be the same day my daughter needed emergency surgery after a horrendous accident where she fell onto a rock while playing which sliced her wrist open. The day after was her birthday so naturally we wanted to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off for the day to celebrate for her. 
A week later was my birthday and my daughters rescheduled birthday party. 

3 weeks on we have to celebrate Christmas and on Xmas eve my mum is rushed to emergency and has today undergone surgery. Huge kidney stones making her very unwell poor thing. Today it all caught up to me where I sat back and realised the place actually in mentally compared to where I thought I was. It occurred to me I’ve lost enjoyment in literally everything for a while. I don’t want to do anything ever anymore and when I do it’s such an effort. I explained to hubby…making my bed used to bring me such pride and joy…now it’ll only do it because I know I should and often not at all. My friends are rather absent and lately felt like a punching bag to everyone. People sometimes message me to claim they’re checking in to only dump on me their own scenarios going on in life (not that they shouldn’t or can’t share with me but it’s constantly happening where my words aren’t even heard…the old saying of “hearing without listening”. 

For the first time, someone today recognised I was struggling after watching me be so so strong this entire process of watching my dad dying, doing his eulogy, watching my daughter’s horrible accident, seeing my mum in emotional and now physical distress…and now I’m breaking and someone noticed. I didn’t know how much I’m struggling until today after reading into depression and couldn’t believe how relatable it all was. 

[smallwolf]

hello.

I sounds you have been through a lot a recent times. And the loss of any parent will be a sad time. I am sad to hear of your loss, and the other challenges you are facing. The time it may take for you to move forward from the loss of your dad and unique to you.

Perhaps those around you in reaching out to you were doing just that? Perhaps the way they did it was a bit round about. But I am happy that someone noticed how you were feeling and having a support person or persons is helpful. As for what you do next and how you move forward ... if you want to chat more I am listening.

[geoff]

Hello Auto-Pilot, I can sympathise and feel vert sorry not only the loss of your dad but also your mum's surgery, and I say this because I have been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia myself on October this year and yes there are many unknowns which seem to change everytime you talk with an haematologist.

For some people knowing this about their parent do develop depression, it just happens and can't be avoided, only because you are hurting so much and I know the same will happen to my family as no one in the family has acquired this illness before, but believe me I have full sympathy for you.

What I am doing and it's not easy, is to try and make my sons and family realisethat not all cancers can be cured, yes they can be prolonged depending on the type a person has, but with leukemia they are still trying to find a cure, but have delayed the outcome, but I wonder whether this will actually help me or anyone else.

Please get back to me if you can.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Doolhof]

Hi Auto-Pilot,

Welcome to the community here. I'm sorry to read of all the different circumstances and events you have been dealing with. The death of a parent or any loved one is never easy.

One thing I found very useful when dealing with grief was to actually Google "The Grief Process". I had not realised just how involved grief can be. Reading an explanation about grief helped me to understand the emotions, thoughts and feelings I was experiencing are common to the grieving process. 

Writing down how I was feeling also helped me gain greater insight into what was going on in my heart, mind and soul. Everyone grieves differently, so I hope you are able to find ways to comprehend that what you are feeling us part of a horrid process.

I remind myself that people don't always know how to help a person grieving or dealing with depression through immense sadness. I sometimes had to ask people for what I needed.

My thoughts are with you as you navigate this different time in your life, regards from Doolhof