I don't know how to get help through therapy and am resistant to medication

[photogirl]

Hello all,

 I've been going to therapy on and off since I was 13, I am now 23. I've been on antidepressants for the past two years but have found sometimes they cause more harm than good and approx a year ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I'm aware this is more a place to talk about anxiety and depression which are currently my two main concerns. 

I'm a photographer but have recently needed to defer from my final year as it's gotten to the point I can't care about anything and I don't find any beautiful or interesting enough to photograph. I feel disconnected, I still go to therapy but I feel as though it's so much more complex inside my mind. When I research art of any kind nothing appears any different to anything else, everything lacks importance and if I feel anything it feels as though I'm lying to myself and it will soon pass and I'll forget having felt strongly about anything. I lack empathy for other people, I just don't know how to connect, I don't trust anyone and just seem to be in wait for disappointment. I have no family around as I moved interstate for my course and I live alone. 

 I just want to know if anyone can suggest something that may help? I'm still involved in doing things, I am volunteering at events and I go out and I see my friends but I just feel like nothing matters to me and I don't understand the emotional fluctuations I go through and how they relate to who I actually am, I feel lost. I'm not confident in any of the decisions I make or anything I think. Everything feels debatable.

 Someone please help me 😞

[Zoomah]

Definitely not an authority since I'm in much the same boat. Actually, minus the studying, it's nearly exactly the same for me. And I have a few more medications that haven't worked ...

My friend, who's a mental health nurse, told me to throw shit until something sticks. ie, exercise, sunlight, volunteering, the stuff that seems we're already doing...

The path I'm taking at the moment is getting into the private health system. My psychologist said I need a multidisciplinary team as she can't help me by her self. My psychiatrist agrees. Basically, inpatient treatment. Unfortunately, due to money, I can't do that yet. (Public mental health in WA is disgusting... can't get in) But, something interesting that never seems to be mentioned... If you apply for full private hospital cover psychiatry has a mandated maximum of 2 month waiting period for hospital cover even if it's pre-existing. So, you can sign up to full hospital cover and only pay two months before getting treatment in a private hospital. Most pre-existing conditions is a year. (Note, you need to sign up for top hospital for this)

For me, (I'm 27) it's costing me $125 a month. So $250. Then I pay an excess of $500. Then the monthly fees during my treatment. Since the quote for my stay was $5500 a week I think it's alright. Kind of rorting the system but I don't care at this point. Us volunteers contribute enough to society. Society can finally give something back. 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Photogirl,

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I too suffer form Borderline Personality Disorder. I have found it has helped me immensely to do as much research about the condition as I can. That way I understand myself better, and have ideas on how to cope and manage my life from day to day.

I totally understand the feelings of being disconnected from everyone and everything. The struggle here to make anything feel like it is important or necessary.

Have you looked at therapy or ways of treating BPD? There is a lot of information out there about MINDFULNESS. If you look this up and try to practise some of the examples given, you will find yourself connecting with the world around you again.

You mentioned you have deferred from your photography course and you find it very difficult to connect with photography at present. Would it help you to consider different ways of looking at photography for a while?

I may be off track here, but maybe you could go out and find 10 things that are blue in colour that you can photograph, or 10 things that are square in shape. If 10 is too difficult then go for three or any number you choose.

Set yourself a different task each day or each week and try to achieve it.

Ask your Dr for help and advice on where you can go for assistance with the Borderline Personality Disorder. Help is out there.

Wishing you well with your journey, from Mrs. Dools