I am always feeling out of touch with myself.

[Guest_3256]

Good morning. I am struggling to understand what I am feeling and how to change. I would like to get some advise on what I could be experiencing.

Things I experience:

• Self doubt, self critic.
• Racing thoughts that sometimes cannot be controlled.
• Loses track of myself - find it hard to recognise that I have personality.
• Feeling anxious, stressed and sad about myself - feeling sorry for myself.
• Personality changes - I can been happy for a moment and then sad the next - this is the hardest part.
• Feeling of being too sensitive.
• Feeling of not being good enough.
• Feeling mass guilt and shame for how my abusive ex partner treated me - When I feel sad, I seem to think that I deserve to be punished.
• Inability to stay focused on one task or object.
• Inability to actively listen or only able to pick on half of the information provided.
• I asked people to repeat all the time - seems that my hearing is declining or my cognition is effecting my ability to hear and understand.
• I forget - a lot unless I write things down and then I forget that I had written them.
• Memory loss - all the time. I seem to only remember things, people or events that make me happy - if it is relevant to me or doesn't benefit me - the memory is lost or diminished.
• I hate the feeling of rejection whether it's personal or work related.
• If someone is annoying me, I tell them to leave me alone.
• I struggle to believe in myself.
• I always create goals and never achieve any.
• I am always working on ways to improve myself - the feeling of never being able to change.
• Easily distracted.
• Easily angered.
• I am an empath so I let people walker over me - including lovers, I seem to try to please them and give them all I can.
• I cannot always focus on one thing.
• I become panicky at times.
• I live by the time, when it's my time, however, I cannot follow my work schedule as I am deprived of feeling motivated to succeed in my 11+ yr job. Only ever had two jobs. I am early 30's - I look early 20's so people are always treating me like a young adult - very frustrating.

[Tay100]

Hi Jsua

I'm sorry to hear that you are in a tough headspace right now, feeling of a variety of overwhelming, confusing, and negative emotions/states. It's also super frustrating when people treat you as younger than you are. It sounds like you would really benefit from some professional mental health guidance. Would you be open to that? A good place to start would be the Beyond Blue Support Service provides advice and support via telephone 24/7 (just call 1300 22 4636), daily web chat (between 3pm–12am) and email (with a response provided within 24 hours). You can use this thread to keep us updated on how you are doing or if you need help navigating these services further- either way, we are here to listen.

Tay100

[Elmo99]

If I’m being completely honest, I just made my profile just to comment on this because you hit the nail on the head for me!

I don’t know why but I feel the exact same way, aside from being in relationships as I’ve never had one!

But reading your post , I relate to 98% of it.

I’m still 20 years old but I always question myself & wonder what I’m doing in my life, & how much time I have wasted doing nothing or being unproductive!
I always create goals that never come to fruition & tend to be sorry for myself!

The thing that irks me the most is I was very active & set some really exciting goals for myself but , An ACL injury I sustained in 2016 really started this Snowball effect for me & 4 years later I always make excuses going back to that incident , & thinking of “what if’s “ scenarios & what could’ve been!

A lot of times I can never describe the feelings I have & can never put a finger on it! It’s also hard to talk to someone because as a male there’s a stigma in society that you’re meant to be strong , but in reality I feel ashamed/embarrassed to bring anything up, so I just try to ignore it.

I too would like some outside feedback or something really to go of off!

Regardless I hope things get better for you, and thanks for sharing it as it helped me understand or identify my own problems in some way.

[Guest_3256]

Thanks for replying Elmo99.

It's great to know that I am not alone and have other to relate too.

Some days are better than others. Every morning, I start by getting up, making a coffee, listen to music while TV is on in the background (this seems to help reduce the feeling of feeling lonely) and meditate. I've started to mediate before work, after work, and after exercising. I try to clear my mind from all the irrelevant thoughts and focus on positive self-talk. I downloaded the Calm app which seems to be helping me focus and learn to switch off all the bad - although being something new, it's still difficult to do so.

Ironically I have seen many health professionals as I thought I would be diagnosed with something with no avail other than experiencing event depression. Sigh! So Maybe this is just part of being human. IDK really.

[Tay100]

Hi Jsua

It's good to hear that you have a good routine full of things that boost your mental health, mood and your disposition in general. It can be tricky whilst things are new, but the benefits come with practice. It sounds like you are meditating a lot- it can be hard, but are you enjoying it? There are many mindfulness activities you can engage with if meditation, in particular, is something you find you can't stick with long term. Have the professionals you've seen been helpful at all?