How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

[Elizabeth CP]

I started seeing a psychologist several years ago to cope while supporting my son who was depressed and suicidal. Over time he has helped me deal with lots of issues. My husband has a degenerative condition which has progressed over the last few years with lots of hospital admissions some were he became extremely ill, he became blind and has problems with eating so he sometimes requires feeding by tube. He manages to use a white cane to walk around now so when he is well he isn't too bad. Prior to my husband's illness I had looked after my mother for 12 years while bringing up my children but I am finding it harder to be a carer for my husband. Over time I have had to take on all the tasks we previously shared and had to move house as the block was too dangerous for my husband and too hard for me to look after. I have had several health issues myself. I'm currently recovering from a broken ankle. Each thing on its own would be OK but I have lost resilience and become overstressed.

My problem is that my sessions end up about damage control -Just dealing with the latest problem. Each time we start something to help the root issues it is sidetracked because I'm unable to cope emotionally and then feel guilty for being dependent on him and not progressing. 

I have very low self esteem due to bullying when I was a child. I also have PTSD from being caught in a bushfire when 10yrs old. I feel like my life is over and my relationship with my husband is lost as we can't do the things we used to enjoy or they are very hard for me.

Medication for depression made things worse because of the side effects and I am too scared to try anything else.

My ways of coping are no longer working 

Has anyone got any suggestions to help me so I'm not wasting seessions talking about everything which is wrong and actually addressing the problems so I don't feel so bad about myseld and can deal with things which go wrong

[white knight]

Hi Elizabeth,

I am not experienced much in therapy sessions. However carrying your noted and reading them out at the beginning of the session will help draw the therapists mind and focus onto those issues.

Many years ago I attended a GROW meeting. I only went once. That session changed my life a lot. After telling the group of my main issue with my mother, one man passed me a GROW book and said "read chapter 3"

It was all about emotional blackmail, an art my mother was expert at. Hence it was the beginning of my act of defense against her manipulative ways. So you can see that one session can make a difference.

 In your case you have to your credit cared for many years. Your batteries are run down and need recharging. Again I'm not experienced in these matters but this post will likely now go to the top again and maybe you'll get another reply.

All the best.  Tony WK

[Durras]

Hi White Knight,

I went to a GROW session last year, it was also my first session but it was also their last session for the year. I left feeling unsure about it and as you said they got us to read a chapter out of a book which I couldn't really make head or tales what it was going on about. I was thinking of going back but feeling within an uneasiness like it will  change me in away that may not be the right direction or fit for me, I left with a feeling that it was a pressuring group like do these steps, read through these books, I didn't think it was really so internal to help out with my mental and emotional problems.

I have now found an Australian online clinic called Mind spot and they do free assessments and online courses so I was thinking of this and just working with a psychologist also. I have also ordered some information from BB website and a book called Managing Depression with Mindfulness for Dummies. I ordered it on 15th Dec and still waiting for it. I hope all these will help so yeah not sure about going back to GROW.

What things do you find help you?

Durras

[Guest_5218]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

Yes I see what you mean about Psych appointments going into damage control.  It used to be like that for me too.  Initially I was referred to my psych for pain management for a long term injury I have.  And as I become more comfortable with her, I eventually told her about a trauma I experienced about 20 years ago.  She is a very good psych and it turns out that she had been digging into this for some time, or so she tells me.  So eventually I cracked, and told her things that I had never spoken about to anyone before.  So I then started therapy for ptsd.  But along the way things happen and you end up discussing unrelated things.  I know for me it was hard last year because I went through a pretty difficult time over the last part of the year.  A close family member (11 yo child) died in a car crash, I had 2 elderly friends die, I lost my job due to the business being sold and my husband was going through mental and physical problems of his own. So there were a succession of things all going wrong, and everything just kept building up.

Although my issues sound pretty petty compared to yours, it was still a very difficult time for me.  And it seemed that every time I went to see my psych for CBT therapy for ptsd, we lost time to all the other stuff going on.  

In the end I would write down, prior to my appointments, everything that was truly bothering me the most, the things I felt I needed to talk about.  Then, once I got all the 'petty' things out of the way, I was able to concentrate on the matter at hand.  Which for me, was the ptsd therapy.  My psych was pretty good and would try to steer things towards the most pressing side issues, but sometimes it is only yourself who knows what the most distressing areas are for yourself.  So you do need to take the lead in that regard I found.  I was lucky though, because many of my appointments were for up to 4 hours in duration, so we did get to cover quite a lot.

Not sure if any of this helps you Elizabeth.  But it worked fairly well for me, and maybe it will for you too.  I mean you do have so many other issues which affect your life, so it is understandable that you need to get them off your chest as well.  So you do need to unload a bit, prior to taking on the ptsd side of things.  Besides, at the end of the day it is all intertwined anyway.

Good luck.

Sherie xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Tony & Sherie, Thank you for the replys. I Think the suggestion made by Tony & Sherie to write things down before the session is a good idea. Maybe I could write in a notebook each night any pressing issues worth discussing. By going through this before the session it might help me be clearer in knowing what is most important rather than just the events of the last day or what is brought up first in the session.  I usually have 1 hour sessions which doesn't leave much time after you have discussed what has happened since the last session. Sherie I hope you are feeling better the issues you have mentioned are not petty compared to mine. It is good to have someone understand a bit what it is like and I appreciate your posts. 

I go back to the psychologist next week so it helps to have some ideas as the last few weeks I haven't been coping even though nothing serious has gone wrong but I really need some strategies to cope on hot days When it is cooler  am not so tired or anxious and can at least do things to take my mind off things. 

I should be grateful for what I have particularly reading some of the posts from people who have experienced terrible things. I at least had a good parents & siblings and my own children have grown up to be good adults. My husband has never abused me and it is not his fault that he is unwell and can't help me as he used to.

One of the problems with therapy sessions is you spend so much time discussing everything which is wrong  because that is what I need addressing but sometimes that negative focus is bad. 

Any suggestions of how to deal with the bad stuff but get some balance to remember the positives in my life?

Good luck Sherie & Tony

[white knight]

Hi Durras and Elizabeth CP

I recently replied to a similar thread and listed the following to assist that person.

Rather than repeat a lot...you can google the following articles I've written on motivation.

Type  - Topic: then the subject -beyondblue   

I've written the first one fully for you to google that do the same for the others...

Topic: Does stubbornness have a place? - beyondblue

Festering issues or moving on     eg this will be googled as "Topic: festering issues or moving on- beyondblue"

Depression– a ship on the high seas

  Feeding your brain

Getting depression into perspective- Please read this, it might help YOU

Who cries over spilt milk? 

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

Do YOU RAMBLE ON? A talker of mental illness all the time? 

HOW TO BRAINWASH YOURSELF

Being positive – what’s the secret?

Boredom the closed door to fun?

MELTDOWN –back to basics

Bullying

Meditation – words of wisdom –it helped me for 25 years

DEPRESSION  – is there any positive? 

Can you force people? 

  30 minutes can change your life

The best praise you’ll ever get

.............All these will take time for you to digest but it will make a difference. Good luck   Tony WK 

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Tony for the time you took to list suggested posts. It will take time to read them all but I will.  Sorry  I'm feeling stupid because I am unable to provide such great insights suggestions etc as you and many other members of BB. I guess in the past I just made myself keep going no matter what but things are catching up with me and my usual ways  of coping aren't working any more.

thank you

[White_Rose]

Hello Elizabeth

I have found a similar story with the psych I go to. Initially the sessions were finding out about me and what I needed. Then we did some CBT. Not necessarily advocating CBT, just that this was a process we used to work out how I cope and how I could cope. Now we seem to just chat about whatever has happened lately.

I have been thinking about this during the Christmas break while I have not seen the psych. I think I will talk to him about using the CBT process to manage whatever is happening in my life. Damage control is important, but I am coming to the conclusion that I could continue seeing this psych for the rest of my life just solving problems as they happen rather learning how to solve and manage my problems by myself.

Many psychologists limit therapy sessions to between 12-20 and I suspect this is the reason. Instead of learning to cope on our own we are learning to depend on the psych to manage for us. Do you feel this happens for you? I think when I return next week I will describe a recent situation and how I reacted then suggest we talk about how I could have managed better. All the difficulties we face seem different, and probably are in many ways, but it's the skills we use to manage or resolve these difficulties that is what we need to learn, and I suspect we need far fewer than a different process for each situation.

For example, if I am arguing with someone and get upset, what I need is a way to decide if the discussion is important enough to warrant me getting upset and what I am going to do about it, rather than just vent and perhaps get some reassurance. So perhaps what I need to learn is the ability to stand back and see what is happening. Once I can manage this I can utilise this skill in other situations. Using my own real life problems gives me an ownership of the outcome.

So what do you think? I am hoping this will lead to me being better able to stand on my own two feet. So if you find yourself talking about a panic situation you could discuss what to do in any panic situation. I think I have made it seem easy for myself but I think it will be more difficult in reality. Anyway, I am interested in your thoughts.

Mary

[Gertie_Rose]

I also have PTSD. We duck & weave the traumatic memories instinctively and unconsciously. I'd say there is a hidden motivation in your psyche to keep you chatting about relatively superficial spot fires rather than delving into the guts of your trauma. Our minds and bodies are set up to habitually avoid remembering, re-living or discussing. 

When we brush against the trauma it can feel like it is going to kill us. It feels like a horrifying undercurrent of fear. There is good reason our minds protect us and distract us for a while, til we're ready. 

We also become compulsive carers/rescuers and take on massive amounts of responsibility and control. We can be very outwardly focused people. 

The solution with your therapist is very straight forward to my mind. Tell him or her what you have told us and that you'd like support to delve deeper. A skilled therapist may help you trigger the PTSD in the safe space of the consulting room then help you process it as an adult. Tremendous catharsis can ensue as well as significant personal change. Be upfront and direct about what you've noticed and discuss it openly with the therapist. 

[Durras]

Hi Tony and to all who have posted,

I thank you all very much for your posts, I will re-read them and also try to print them so I have them at hand, I think I have to do things this way thou worry I will end up with lots of paper and maybe taking in so much, I'm a very slow learner and I have to re-read things over and over again and also my vocab is very limited so many times I find myself looking up words to try and understand what people are saying. I am just at the starting point in my recovery and learning from the beginning. I still feel confused with what it is that is paralysing me with my life but I know mentally for me I am not happy and very much out of balance with extremely low self-esteem, confidence and self belief or being worthy.

I know I have suffered depression for many years, thou due to my past life-style with drinking, working and being a solo mum I never focused properly on it, or felt I never had the need to because I had no reason, Yes I had my daughter but I will put that aside for now as I will loose what I am trying to say now.

I  have such a wonderful man in my life, he says I am perfect and he loves me for me, but my question is who am I? I want to deal with everything so I can finally find the real me, so I thank you all for your suggestions and help here on BB. I'm not only saying thank you to those who reply to helping me but to everyone for all I read on BB.

I wish I could respond to everyone on here and my sincere apologies that I don't, I just never know what to say how to respond and worried I will sound strange or say something wrong. Believe me I do read many posts each day and my heart goes out to all here on BB.

Sending Big hugs to all

Durras

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