How do I know if I'm with the right therapist?

[Substituder]

Hi all,

I've changed about 4 different therapists in the past two years, and the last one was quite helpful and understanding of my situation. I saw her for about 7 sessions.

I can feel my anxiety and bad thoughts coming back but my partner says that my therapist probably referred me onto the couples counsellor because all I ever talked about is r'ship issues so that's what must be the issue. When she should have delved deeper into my abusive childhood past. Even though I tell my partner that my anxieties surfaced due to our conflict, it has nothing to do with my past.

So I don't know if I should go back to her, maybe she will think I am bothersome and I should be seeing a couples therapist instead. The couples therapist doesn't seem to work for me, but my partner likes this therapist.

What do I do? I'm not sure what is the right step forward. And maybe changing therapists is a bad idea now.

I am very confused.

[Juliet]

Hi Substituder,

I am feeling confused for you!

Even though your relationship issues are seperate to your past, I am wondering if you think that your husband might have a point in the fact that your childhood has not yet been discussed in depth with your therapist? Or whether you were fine with it and happy with how the sessions were going along. Had she brought it up much? Maybe you weren't ready to share yet? I don't know. I am sure she would not ever think you are bothersome and would only be interested in helping.

I don't think there is ever a bad time to change therapist if you are unsure.

Also with your couples therapist I definitely think you should change if you are not happy, even if your partner is. Obviously it is paramount that you are happy as well. 

Just my opinions!! I'm not sure if they are helpful at all. 

Good luck,

Juliet

[geoff]

dear Substituder, can I say that by changing your counsellor or psych constantly isn't going to help you, because each time you see someone you have to begin all over again, so this becomes frustrating but also annoying.

The concerns that you have and whether your childhood was a major problem for you and for several reasons, and now your current relationship, well who knows but they maybe linked.

If you like the therapist yourself, and this has to be your decision, and not what the opposite half feels is best for you, because if you don't get on with them and force yourself to go because your partner wants you to go, is no good, because you won't be able to relate to them at all, so you are wasting your time.

I would still go back and see them, but I would make a list of all your past history up and till now, so that all is put onto the table. Geoff.

[Substituder]

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies.

I think changing therapists too many times isn't going to help me, and we have discussed my childhood at lengths and tried EMDR but I thought that was weird so we didn't continue with it.

The one thing i'm reluctant to try is medication - I'm not stuck in depressive episode for more than a few days and can often find a way to function so that was my decision to not take medicine (aside from their side effects). But on especially bad days which lasts for up to 3 days (of being stuck in a negative mental block) I wished there were some form of relief and a pause button I could push.

[Pixie15]

Hi Substituder,

If I were you and I were able to I would contact the therapist I liked again. 

I have never done couples therapy so can not comment on that. But I don't think I would commit to doing it unless I had a backup I could rely to talk just about my own stuff if I needed it. This seems to be what is recommended from what I have read. The couples therapist is for the couple. You might want to see someone else just for you.

Peace,

Daisy.