Help with my anxious 11 year old

[PetaMac16]

I am at my wits end with my daughter's anxious behaviours and tantrums that are causing pressure on relationships. I am interested to get peoples thoughts on medicating children or CBT in children what works what doesn't. My daughter has quite severe anxiety where she is frightened to go to sleep at night and will be up and down for hours because she is worries that she is going to choke as she has a constant "lump in her throat" (which of course is from anxiety) I have tried many apps including Smiling Minds which are of some benefit but feel that her anxiety is escalating as I had an episode just last night that lasted for over 2 hours of crying screaming and stomping her feet ...... please help !

[smallwolf]

Hi PetaMac16,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I know from my own experiences this would be very frustrating for you. I have been there myself (with my kids) and my own anxieties.

I have no knowledge really of medications so cannot answer that part of your post. My psychologist uses CBT also.

First of all, I am much older than your daughter, and before I started seeing my psychologist I would wake up during the night for different reasons. She suggested that I use a program called relax melodies to help me get to sleep. The other things I had to do, some of which came from her, and things from my psychiatrist also helped. My psychiatrist spoke to me about sleep hygiene (a term she hates also). So for me there were three things...

relax melodies
emptying my mind (of work stuff)
sleep hygiene

And the above all fall into the realm of CBT revolving around relaxation, sleep hygiene, etc. This also means no screen time in bed.

For my own daughter I would also use from Enya playing in background. These days my daughter has a lavender thing to help her stay relaxed. I am not sure how old your daughter is, but I also tell my kids to read a book as well.

The other thing I was told was to remaining passively awake, as worrying you can't sleep can actually keep you awake.

Tim

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi PetaMac16,

Welcome to the beyondblue forum. I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a difficult time with worry. This would be very stressful for you and her and other members of the family.

Getting to the bottom of how to manage the symptoms you describe and getting her to a place where you are all feeling safe is definitely achievable with persistence and the right support.

I wonder if you have visited your GP explaining your daughters symptoms and asked for an assessment or referral to a paediatrician or child psychologist? This is important to achieve sooner rather than later as wait lists can be long. Your daughter can attend a local headspace centre but not until she is twelve years old but good to keep in mind.

Children are best assessed by health professionals who specialise in children’s health if possible. The availability of these specialists depends on where you live. Every child is unique and I would not recommend any treatment or medication until a full assessment (mental & physical) is complete and you have been recommended a treatment option by a health professional who has spent some time with your child. In the interim some of the strategies that smallwolf has suggested may be supportive such as relaxation, mindfulness and setting up sleep hygiene and a consistent routine at bedtime.

Another option can abe to liaise with your child’s teacher and gaining support and assessment through your child’s school counsellor.

There is a resource on the beyondblue website for Anxiety in Children that may offer you some support

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/age-6-12/mental-health-conditions-in-children/anxiety

If you are feeling like you need support tonight, you can contact the KidsHelpLine 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/ This also supports parents and carers in how to better support their little ones.

I also want to know how you are managing? The stress and worry you may feel in supporting your daughter. can be quite overwhelming and I suggest that when you visit your GP that you discuss how you are coping as well. As a new parent myself I am only beginning to discover the stress (and joy) that motherhood brings. Getting support in place for your daughter is important but is equally important for you too.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[blondguy]

Hi Petamac16

Nurse Jenn has mentioned consulting a GP for a referral as self diagnosing (even as a parent) can sometimes exacerbate the situation. I do feel you pain as my daughter was going through the same pain when she was young as well

The forums are non judgemental and a safe place for you to post PetaMac. I am a huge supporter of the 'Kids Help Line' and have been donating whenever I can. They have super gentle people available 24/7 on their support line

KidsHelpLine 1800 55 1800

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain

you are not alone...and please post back when its convenient for you 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul