Having to start all over again

[Guest_98]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting on here, im 22 and find taking medication for anxiety and depression extremely embarrassing! I've been stopping and starting my tablets randomly for months now and just can not keep myself on track and Its at the time again were I am just feeling complety useless and stupid for not sticking at them! I've really struggled finding a doctor I feel comfortable with enough to open up to because I absolutely hate the fact that I believe they are just looking at me like I am crazy or have no idea what I am on about.... I've gotten to the point were I don't socialise with anybody anymore I couldn't even give u a name of a friend, I absolutely hate nights because I just lay in bed not sleeping for hours and hours the past seems to constantly replay over and over and over in my mind 24/7 and I'm just at a complete halt in life I don't understand why I just can't be happy and normal!!!

does anyone else have the same problem? 

[white knight]

HI Mindfull100, welcome here to beyond blue.

I'm 59yo but when young your assessment of your self fitted me well.

Sometimes the obvious or the logic escapes us even though the answer might be staring us in the face. So here is what I see from your post.

Stopping and starting your meds has likely resulted in no effective medication at all. Meds need to be taken at least for 6 weeks or more before they take effect. Stop them and restrat them and you lose their effectiveness. It has to be a routine thing taking tablets. I leave my tablets near my breakfast cereal so I dont forget them. If I forgot to take my morning tablets say 3 times in one week I'd be back at the doctors asking him why they arent working. See what I mean?

You said "I absolutely hate the fact that I believe they are just looking at me like I am crazy or have no idea what I am on about.".  Please try to understand it isnt easy trying to see through someones mind or behaviour. The doctors will eventually "get you" but it takes time. Try to put faith in them.

If you are lying awake at nights of course your mind will wander. So you have to get out of bed and do something active to divert your mind say for an hour then as you get more tired then try to sleep. The ideal point to try to go to sleep is when you are so tired you will not think about the past or of current issues...you'll just nod off to sleep. I often cant sleep. If I havent nodded off after 15 minutes I KNOW I wont sleep. I get up, make myself a hot chocolate and watch some TV or go on this forum. Then I'll sleep. If you live with your parents then tell them of this need or show them this post to inform them of this need.

Dont allow your mind to wander. Have a hobby, to fill up your mind with activity. Then there is less time for it to be thinking of the past that you cannot change...

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Mindful, it's never a good idea to stop and start by ourselves with the medication, because basically it's teasing our body and virtually has no effect, so it's best to stay on them, and when you do you find it better to sleep.

If you are not happy with your doctor then can you click onto 'Get Support' at the top of the page where you will find a list of doctors who are aligned to BB and specifically deal with mental illness, there might be one close to you, so have a go at contacting one of these, and I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.

[Guest_98]

Thank you for your reply, my problem is not forgetting to take my medication it is purely stopping them because of embarrassment I hate the fact that I am young and have to be on tablets to make me feel happy so I stop taking them, and yeah without doubt  I do understand that for a doctor it would be difficult to understand what I am on about its more probably a fear I have that they r judging me I'm not sure i just find it extremely uncomfortable talking face to face about all these kinds of issues, and I agree with u on the sleeping ideas il give them a go thank you. 

[Guest_98]

Thank you Geoff for your reply, I am going to check out the get support section now:) 

[JessF]

Hello Mindful, there are many people your age who are on medication not just for anxiety and depression, but for other chronic health conditions too. You probably even know a few!

Another thing too, some doctors don't have a great bedside manner, but the other thing is that your anxiety itself will be clouding your thinking. Just remember "feelings aren't facts".

[BK13]

HiMindfull100,

Completely understand about the doctor thing.  It's taken me 10 years of living in this town to finally find a doctor I am comfortable with.  Trust me I have seen a lot of duds that I wouldn't dream about mentioning mental health to.  And one I did, dealt with it terribly on more than one occasion. 

As soon as I found the new doctor I knew I would one day open up to them about my depression and anxiety.  It took 3 months and a crisis in my life to do so, but I was relieved to finally start the process. 

And it really took a lot for me to start taking my medication too.  I'm only on my 5th day as it took several days after I filled my script to take the first one.  Boy I was anxious about starting.  I didn't want to be one of 'those people' - whatever that means.  I knew it would be tough but I am a fairly determined type of person - once I start something I will see it to conclusion.  So I jumped on the roller coaster and have clung on for dear life since.  The side effects are pretty hard to deal with but I know I have to just make it through this bit, and there will be light on the other side, a possibility of a better life at the end of the tunnel. 

 White Knight is right - your idle mind is your own worst enemy.  It's important to stay busy and focussed on something else.  Staying active would be helpful also - fills in time and hopefully lifts your mood a little.  As you walk around, try and really see and feel your surroundings, the flowers, the clouds, the rustle of the leaves in the trees.  You will be surprised how many things you can spot which are quite beautiful and special - maybe they will even make you smile.  Even better if you can get a little sun at the same time, vitamin D can help you feel good, even just for that walk.  I try and FEEL my surroundings also, eg barefoot in the grass, dip my toes in the creek, touch the leaves of the trees, smell the flowers.  They weren't so silly when they came up with the saying about 'stop and smell the roses'. 

Things like this are a good distraction from the multitude of negative thoughts that cloud your mind.  And I think it's important to give yourself a break from those sorts of thoughts.  Remember those thoughts aren't YOU, they are the illness talking.  Your medication will be important in your recovery I think.  Take a deep breath and dive in, what have you got to lose?  I know it's scary but we can do this together!

 BK