GP changed meds, WHY!!!

L835 · ‎13-06-2014

My partner has battled with depression all her life. We are in our 40's and have been together, off ad on! for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter. Every 8 months or so we split up for 2 weeks or so, Of course it is my fault, but she asks me to come home. I'm used to it, and try to understand and ride it out.

Earlier this year we discovered Matthew Johnston's books, and it was like a light being switched on for her, suddenly it all made sense, and things were really good. In fact so good that in March she asked me to marry her!

Then, for no apparent reason, her GP changed the anti depressant she was on. Now, the engagement is off (because I made a passing remark about her 17 year old daughter's boyfriend smoking cannabis) She couldn't even be bothered to tell me, just took the ring off and let me notice. Every time we are in company she says 'oh he's nearly 50, time I got a younger model' the first 5 times were funny, now....

So tonight she's visiting the neighbours, who work in the women's centre, so it will be 'you're not bullying me into a relationship' and 'I have the right to end this relationship' when she comes home, no doubt with reinforcements, as the house is in her name, and she has found every excuse under the sun to stop me paying off part of the mortgage and becoming a joint owner.

So, I would just like to thank the Doctor, for the effect the change in prescription is going to have on my daughter, for making me homeless, and most of all for upholding patient confidentiality and refusing to discuss things with me!

Not sure what I expect anyone to say, just needed to say it! Rant over!

Richard

BeeGee · ‎13-06-2014

Hi Richard

Well that sucks the big one. I'm sorry to hear what a wringer you've been through... depression takes a huge toll not just on the sufferers but on those we love as well.

I just want to say a huge thank you to you for sticking with her through her ups and downs. I know there are times when my wife could easily have left me, but she didn't - and we are getting through the bad times to better times. My life is the better for having her in it and her commitment to me and our marriage means more than I could say.

It may not be obvious, but there will be a reason for why the doctor has changed her meds. They don't just change people off ADs that are working properly for jollies! It's such a challenge to get the best fit for each patient. It sounds like the new ones aren't working too well at the moment, although if they are a different class of antidepressant she will have had to let the old ones wash out of her system and the new ones will take time to kick in. Only time will tell whether they are any good or not; she might essentially be unmedicated at the moment while they are building up.

Although the doctor can't discuss it with you, that doesn't mean you can't provide feedback to him/her. You could phone and explain that you understand that he/she can't break confidentiality but that you have some observations about her current state that may help inform the treatment plan. He/she may or may not listen, but it could be worth a shot.

I guess only you can decide how committed you are to your fiancee. It's a hard road to be sure, and if you felt you don't have the strength for it I don't think anyone would judge you for it. If you have the courage to stay the course though, the day may come when she is well and is able to appreciate just what a sacrifice you have made for her.

Meanwhile, we are here for you to vent to! It's good to be able to dump on a bunch of people who really do understand what you are going through and who won't be hurt by anything you say. Go your hardest.

JessF · ‎13-06-2014

Hello Richard, this is probably not what you want to hear, but based on what you have said about the history of your relationship, I don't think the medication change is to blame for this recent development.

I am all for partners being tolerant of someone's difficulties with their depression (I have had to rely on this many times in relationships) but you can't blame everything on the illness and it sounds to me that she may be just using this an excuse to treat you poorly. It sounds to me like you're being treated like a puppet on a string with the on-again off-again nature of things. You have a right to decide whether the relationship is working too, it's not just up to her.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but in your last paragraph you are understandably angry and apportioning blame to the doctor for everything that's happening when I'm afraid the problems are much closer to home.

L835 · ‎14-06-2014

Thank you both! JessF you may well be right, my friends tell me she's "never bought into the relationship" This sounds pathetic coming from a 6'2" tree surgeon, but she really is my world! I keep telling her the grass on the other side of the fence is greener because its longer and harder to walk through!

Anyway today she started a course of CBT so who knows?

BeeGee, she's been on the new meds for two months now, they should be working by now, but a Psychologist friend of mine told me they might just not suit her and be having no clinical effect.

Well she fell asleep at 8. and the Black Dog books have disappeared. According to her she's fine, no explanations, it just isn't working...

Need to end on a positive as her depression isn't going to drag me down! So, I'm going to concentrate on saving our friendship, and enjoy my freedom!

Thanks all!

BeeGee · ‎14-06-2014

Your friend is right. It's a bugger, but prescribing psychotropic medications is often pretty hit-and-miss. There are broad guidelines but individual variations mean that often it comes down to trial-and-error... sometimes with more trials than we'd like and way too many errors for comfort.

It's surprising that they are sticking with these after two months if they're not effective... I can't really explain that at all. Here's hoping they try something different soon that actually works.

L835 · ‎19-06-2014

Well she went to her first CBT session, and according to her, she was told she is on such a low dose of anti-depressants that she might as well not be taking them, and she doesn't even need CBT.

So after five years its all over. On Friday I have to view a house and if its ok move out. She is selling up and moving 300 miles away, taking my daughter with her to 'advance her career'

It is of course me that has made her unhappy (not depressed) I think JessF is right, this is the real her, the depression being a convenient excuse, for her selfish and hurtful behaviour.

Still I come out of this with a better understanding of depression, its so common I hope I can help if a friend is in need. Its surprising when I've asked my friends for help, how many of them are taking anti-depressants!

Such is life!