Do or die

[Sadlady]

Hi Everyone

I'm new to this and I don't know exactly how to start but I'll give it a go. I'm struggling with depression, anxiety and ptsd. This year has been the toughest I've ever had and I've had a few. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and told that I have only months to live. That was 6mnths ago. Now I'm still here but fair from living. I can't do anything for myself and have had to move in with my son. I hate being a burden to my children and I hide my depression ect. As I have always Been a strong woman and brought my kids up on my own. While also working full-time. I guess I have to say I really need to deal with how I'm feeling and hopefully this is the start of that.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sadlady,

What a very difficult year you’ve had...I’m really sorry about the diagnosis. I imagine that that would be very difficult and confronting news to digest, and elicits a range of emotions. I really feel for you...

You seem like a very resilient and courageous person, but you have clearly been struggling lately. There’s so much happening, and it must be hard to let your guard down...you’re used to being the one taking care of everyone else, as you said, so it must be hard for the roles to reverse a little...

In a way, I think that’s part of love and being family...sometimes we take care of others and sometimes others take care of us. I wonder if the best way forward for you now is to let people/your children in and let them take care of you for a change.

I realise it’s difficult to shake off the “burden” feeling, but maybe in a way, it’s an honour for your children to give you the same loving care that you’ve bestowed on them all these years. That said, I also understand how difficult it is to let people in/let others helps...I hear where you’re coming from...

If you’re feeling up to writing some more, it would be lovely to hear from you again. No pressure though of course. Thinking of you today...

Kindness and caring to you,

Pepper

[Sadlady]

Hi Pepper

I must firstly Thankyou for farst response. More than that your caring and supportive word's. I am extremely depressed at the moment and I have withdrawn from my support network's. Unfortunately my job was a executive manager for a large community /health center..... As you can imagine how hard it is for me to access resources there. I live in rural town.

My sleep patterns are all over the place, I don't if it health or mental health. I am also struggling with my gp who is being dissmissive about my mental health issues so it is not possible to get help from him. My anxiety is though the roof. Just seems anything I try I just don't get any relief.

I'm so thankful for your time to reply so quickly

Thankyou

sadlady

[smallwolf]

Hi Sadlady,

You have 2 posts, so I think I am still allowed to welcome you to beyond blue. I am sorry to hear about the problems you are facing with your GP on mental health issues, so at the moment it sounds like you have to do it alone. 😞

To help you with anxiety, you might want to check out threads on grounding and mindfulness. Both places will give you ideas to help you combat the constant negative thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. These things can be somewhat individualistic. What works for someone else might not work for you. So if that happens, go to the next idea and try again.

If you access your library online, there are also plenty of ebooks available in the area of psychology. I recently found one that was recommended to me by my psychologist called "The Happiness Trap". So I hardly go to the library itself and just get books online.

I wish you well in everything you are facing at the moment. I will be around if you want to chat some more or have any questions.

Tim

[Sadlady]

Hi Tim

I thank you for your warm welcome. I'm really geatful for you support. Whith your suggestion of accessing the library for some e-books is great. As reading is something I can do and I enjoy it also.

I think it's time to let everyone know that my health condition is a genetic problem. Basically I lack a gene that has caused me to have emphsema. I'm at the end stage of it.

I struggle with this as alot of people just put down to smoking and some have been really cruel, telling me I deserve what's happening to me.

So this forum I'm hoping I don't get judged so harshly.... As my depression is so bad, it going to take alot of hard work to try to come out it. As for my physical health, I can't do anything much as I'm on oxygen 24/7. So that rules out exercising.

There are day's I can't even get out of bed. I am just sad, that I don't want to talk to anyone and turn my phone off.

I'm glad you took the time to welcome me here.

I would also like to know how going and also maybe I can help you in return.

Thankyou

Nikki

[geoff]

Hello Nikki, my thoughts are always with you and feel the pain of how you have been treated, especially by your GP, who should be giving all his support for an illness that isn't repairable.

The applies to those who have not drunk a considerable amount of alcohol but have cirrhosis, this can still happen by the medication you take, and try to explain this to the man on the street is impossible, so this assimilates with what has happened to you.

There is so much you have to cope with, and how does everyone respond, do they take more notice of your mental health or your physical health or just walk away, I sincerely hope this hasn't happened but, unfortunately, people don't do what we expect of them, that's the hardest part.

You need to assess how your family feels if you tell them that you are actually suffering from depression, however, I would naturally understand why you are struggling, so now you should think about what would happen if you share this information about your mental health, if it was me that's certainly what I would be doing.

My heart goes out to you and we hope to hear back from you.

Take care and best wishes.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Nikki

I offer you a warm welcome to the Beyond Blue forum and thank you for telling us your story. I am so very sorry to learn of your diagnosis. It is confronting and hard to take on board. I was with my eldest sister at the end of her life which was cut short by ovarian cancer.

There were times when she was angry because as she said, "I'm too young to die. I'm only 66". Unfortunately we have no choice in these matters. I find it cruel that there are people who have spoken harshly to you. Regardless of the reason, compassion is a far better response. And in your case it has nothing to do smoking.

When we know death is approaching we will experience many emotions such as anger, refusing to accept this is happening etc until we finally come to acceptance. My sister found it good to have me there for a while though not as long as I wished. She lived in England. Is there a way you can still be in your family's company even on the days you feel you cannot get out of bed?

Depression feeds on loneliness and it may be possible for your family to help you get out of bed and have a comfortable spot in the living area. Talking etc with these much loved people would be good for you and for them. Regret is hard to live with so I wonder if you can continue being your usual caring mom figure by talking to them and listening. They will remember you chose to be a part of the family throughout your illness even though it was hard.

Do you have grandchildren in the house? I know my grandchildren love listening to stories of my younger days and also stories of their parents. They too will have wonderful memories of you, a gift beyond price. Instead of thinking you are a burden look for activities that are within your ability, such as story telling, and give those to your family with the love I know you have for them.

Perhaps you can ask the children how their day went. They may be hesitant at first but I am sure they will warm to the idea. Activities such as these will help to counteract your depression. Trying to hide it or push it away takes so much energy. Try instead to put other thoughts and activities in its place. Much easier than stamping on it.

Please keep in touch here when you are able. Talking to beautiful people like you is a blessing for all of us.

Mary

[Clea]

Hi Nikki,

I'm new to these forums as well but wanted to reply to your post as I lost my mother to cancer. I would have loved the opportunity to help care for my mother and spend more time with her before she passed. I can understand it must be hard to go from being independent to needing help but your children are probably not feeling like it is a burden to help you.

[Sadlady]

Hi Geoff, Mary and Clea

I'm sorry that I am not going to respond separatly . I just feel that I would be repeating my story. I am so very thankful for your wonderful supportive words.

I have taken in board your advice in regards to telling my family about my depression, I must say that they where aware but not how bad it is. I have only one son that I'm living with and he works full-time and takes care if me the best he can. I do have 2 other sons that live interstate unfortunately, they have come and spent months with me but they needed to return home to there jobs. So I also have my 1 daughter and she lives 3 hours from me, she comes and vists as much as possible usually on the weekends .She to as the boys are wonderful . I have only 1 grandaughter she is my eldest son's daughter so proud to say she was named after me.

Mary I'm sorry to hear of your loss of your sister and that must of been so hard being so far apart. I'm sure she would have loved having you there. I hope to hear more of your story.

Clea I'm also sorry for the loss of your Mum that is a harsh thing to go though. May I ask how old you where when you lost her? I hope I'm not being to forward.

As for my feelings they are very mixed I do feel feel anger and sadness along with complete understanding of what my children must be experiencing. We all communicate with ash other well. I speak with them all on a daily basis.

However the worst thing is that I nursed my mum though her last 3 months. She died of the same illness as I have. Along with that she was only 52 when I lost her. I then nursed my dad though his cancer battle for 6mnths. So unfortunately I know what suffering mum went though and it scares me to know exactly what to expect. As I did with dad. So I guess I'm scared and worry how my children will cope. I'm also only 49 .

As for Drs thy have been so very cold and don't seem to get how I am so depressed. They just don't see to understand.

So Thankyou all for allowing me to share my story and I hope o get to know more of you're stories also.

I wish you all the luck in finding some relief from the horrible things that mental health can effect anybody and everybody needs support and to be cared for.

Again I am so encouraged by your advice

Thanks

Nikki

[Clea]

Hi Nikki, I am happy to share about my mother. I was 33 when she passed away. I also lost my father but that was sudden and I was 24.

I'm glad to read you talked to your children about how you're feeling. I'm sure they want to know. I hope talking about how you're feeling helps you too.

I'm sorry to read about your experience with Drs. Do you have a GP you could talk to? Or can you find a new sympathic Dr?