Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[P12]

Today I was told that a second work colleagued who bullied me in the past, leaving me traumatised, will soon leave our company. This means that the two colleagues who have left me most traumatised at any point in my career will soon both no longer work with me. I hope this will help provide me some comfort and help me to live a more satisfiable life. I thank the fortune that has helped answer my prayers.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Wow! That's really good news. Hopefully you will feel more comfortable in your workplace. Sometimes the universe just unexpectedly sends us what we need--so happy for you.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Acknowledging your condition and accepting it--the positive characteristics, the negative characteristics and everything in between that it brings--can help you to feel more comfortable with who are. Perhaps this could lead to you liking yourself/

It's about understanding why you are the way you are, and accepting that this condition may influence your life, career and relationships both in a positive and negative way. And if you increase your understanding it will help you to set realistic goals and expectations for yourself. Not a "lower goal" as the psychologist said to you earlier, but a realistic goal.

You mentioned earlier that you had been trying to make a friend for quite some years but your condition makes this hard and this leads to depression, right? So, is it a realistic goal for you to have five best friends by the end of the year? Probably not. But is it a solid achievement to reach out on the forum and find people to talk to? Yes, that's a win. Would it be a great achievement to invite a work colleague to coffee and have a conversation? Absolutely. Not a lower goal but a realistic goal given the extra "weight" you have to carry in life.

Like you, I am a person of faith. And like you, I approach religion a bit different to the mainstream (I choose not to participate in organised religion). I think it's fine for both of us--for anyone--to be different and to develop their faith and beliefs systems. You do you, I do me--what difference does it make? Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same!

I'll come back to you soon on your last comment about the work environment.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I really do empathise with your struggles in the workplace. I can understand your challenges to respond to demands as many people do not say what they actually mean and everyone’s expectations from staff are different.

As you’ve found out, some people expect you to do exactly what they ask. And you are doing that very well. So we’ll in fact that they keep coming back for more. I suspect this is because you are seen as someone who gets things done. And you are making things easy for them by not bogging them down in endless questions and debate.

Other people, however, will expect you to use your judgment and show initiative. These people may even encourage debate, even dissent, because they know this can help achieve the best result. They might not say this, it’s just expected. This expectation usually increases as your level of experience and seniority increases within the business.

Some people will expect both from you depending on the task. A standard report gets produced exactly the same way every time. But collaboration to start a new project demands more from you.

The challenge for you is to spot the difference in people and task, which I suspect is very difficult given your condition. I can only suggest that you tailor your response to each individual making requests of you based on your history of experience working with them and history of similar tasks.

The other thing you can do is go back to your Position Description and KPIs. Make sure that what you’re doing reflects your KPIs, so that when your performance review occurs you are in solid ground.

I know it’s hard but please always remember that you are doing amazingly well. You landed the job. You are keeping it, even though you are not operating on a level playing field with your non-neuro diverse peers. You have so much to be proud of.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Apparently the model of society is:

An individual realises their values and asserts for their inclusion and acceptance by others. When they receive push back they respond with more assertion. Eventually this will develop into realistic conflict in which the two people have opposing views that are justifiable. The only sensible outcome is to remain separate or to simultaneously hold two dialectically opposite beliefs and somehow subordinate themself to their own higher self. One who remains separate is friends with God or nature rather than other people.

[P12]

My psychologist had told me that my interactions with other people might be more successful if I explained my character, or that I have a mental illness, at appropriate times during our communication, especially during early stages of attempted friendship. Apparently this would help the individuals understand why I might appear unusual and allow a higher chance of continued communication. Otherwise the individuals would either think I was a violent or stupid person or unsuccessfully spend significant time trying to understand me, remain confused, and therefore stop communication to ease their distress.

However, last week while attempting to form a friendship with three different people, after informing each, they simply stopped communicating with me. I have previously noticed people often suddenly stop communicating with me with no explanation. The abruptness shocks me and I am left feeling depressed.

Is there a website or service in which I may publish my communication with other people to analyse and receive feedback about why it was unsuccessful? Am I allowed to do so in this forum?

If my experience is to be expected, I have difficulty understanding the purpose of what my psychologist has advised me. Why would people choose to form a friendship with someone who is an outsider in society? It would seem more sensible for me to mask my true personality and act when communicating with the other individual.

I have greater difficulty understanding the strategy my psychologist is trying to use to help me overcome my mental illness. I believe he thinks I will overcome my illness if I were somehow able to make a friendship with a real person, whom I could meet in-person and didn't need to pay. But the advice he has given me has not achieved this goal. This has made me more depressed and anxious than before beginning treatment.

[P12]

I acknowledge my recent posts haven’t initiated the discussion I would ideally like. I'm unsure of the reason but I would like to continue posting for my personal benefit in processing my thoughts and in case they are useful to others.
 
I would like to refocus more on my original question in this thread, which I feel is one of the main challenges I face. It is about understanding psychosocial disorder principles generally. 
 
In my experience, one who presents with psychological distress is either:  a) restricted to one practitioner to obtain a clear diagnosis of the problem and be administered treatment without distraction. or b) passed between multiple practitioners in attempt to find a solution. However both of these strategies appear to have shortcomings.
 
In the scientific method, a hypothesis can never be proven, it can only be tested and evidence found either for or against. A hypothesis gains strength by acquiring evidence. The process is perpetual, certainly longer than the duration of an individual's life, requiring the whole world population to solve just one (simple) question. How does this fit with mental states?

[P12]

Part 2

An individual may obtain one opinion or diagnosis about their underlying mental illness, but this is highly subjective, and lacks the principle of scientific validation. For example, three years ago a practitioner told me I slept too much and my health would improve if I reduced sleep. I always questioned this because it didn't agree with me. Last week a different practitioner agreed with me that I should return to longer sleep. Afterwards I slept longer and felt much better.
 
An individual may acquire many opinions, but then encounter conflict and lack progress. For example, the first practitioner told me they believed I had a recognised disorder and that accepting it would help. Last week the second said they felt it was unlikely I had the disorder. With time I have been able to recognise why some of my traits are consistent with the disorder, but I have never felt convinced I have it. 
 
According to the scientific principles, the best solution to this dilemma seems to be to subordinate oneself to a supernatural being. An individual would never discover or prove their identity during their lifetime. Every person on Earth would be an outsider who is aware of and conflicted by their differences, but unaware of their true identity. They are courageously trying to fit into society when it will statistically never occur.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I’m so happy to have found you! When the forums were upgraded I lost all my threads and I’m still learning how to use the forum and didn’t know how to find you.

I’m so happy you kept posting!!! I felt sick thinking that you might have thought that I stopped talking to you.

I will reply to your thoughts/posts in due time.

Kind thoughts to you 

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Sorry I couldn’t respond fully yesterday—I was in a rush, but so happy to see your post that I wanted to say “Hi”.

Just a quick comment from my experience on using this forum. I think more people are likely to respond to a new post, in comparison to a post on a long and ongoing thread. I think it’s because they might think it’s too much work to read the entire thread and get up to speed and then contribute.
If you’re not getting a response here, I’d suggest you try starting a new thread. It will help you to meet more people, too.

Many people start multiple discussions on different topics. For example, your post in this thread about disclosure of a MH condition to new potential friends and when and how best to do this would be a great separate discussion.

On that note, I’m really sorry that you didn’t get a helpful response. This is, unfortunately, common from my experience. I’m not saying disclose is a bad idea, just that you have to pick and choose people and moments and even then it is fraught with risk.

I’m not on the forums as much as I used to be. Please know if you don’t hear from me it has nothing to do with you.

Kind thoughts to you, always