Hi, welcome
What a sad situation.
You have some qualities that some partners wouldn't have. Empathy, you see their pain and difficulties. Initiating resolve by resurrecting topics. You've showed restraint. You're tolerating false accusations (abandonment). So in all your hurt, pat yourself on the back.
Of all mental illnesses its generally accepted BPD is the most difficult to live with. Commonly, but not always, they move the goal posts so getting to know their boundaries means falling into the abyss of uncertainty. The result? You're always in the bad books. I know this from my mother's behaviour and at 70yo now im still suffering for it even though she's passed.
Denial comes with many BPD people. If they have insight, they are the lucky ones and so are their partners. But accusations can come out of nowhere and logic as well as some normal realities can hinder mending. Its as if they self sabotage.
So, what is the answer for you?. Its a harrowing time. They want a divorce, you have no option after 4 months of alienation. The situation won't do a u-turn and if it did.. until next time..
Ive have 4 long term relationships of 7, 11,10 and my wife of 13 years. I know the heartbreak of separation but no one mentions the relief once the grief subsides when you reflect on how much you tried. Add to that a new life that can go in the direction you choose.
To initiate your minds state to move forward now logic and reason has to be paramount for you. Discount emotional interaction. When you cant sit and talk to them maturely like adults its a lost cause. Time to care for yourself. You've tried hard but you're not a superman. You cannot change her decisions nor her fixations.
Im here daily. Just reply and I'll have a notification if you wish to discuss more.
TonyWK
