What do if a friend won't seek help and it's starting to affect you?

[Dana123]

Hi, I'm 22 and my friend has OCD and depression. She's had this for as long as she can remember. I've been friends with seen we were 13 and found out a few years ago that she has OCD and depression. I've been doing everything I can to help her and encourage her to seek help because it has affected her quality of life significantly, but after 3 years, I really am not sure what more I can do. She knows she needs to seek help. All she does is talk about her issues but won't do anything about. I feel like we're going in circles in that I provide her the same advice and support. I am even willing to go with her to doctors appts etc. But I am exhausted now, I don't know what else to do. It's starting to affect me mentally. I've experienced anxiety in the past and have been proactive about it in seeking help, going on medication and learning copying mechanisms. I know people are different. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[geoff]

hello Dana, it's great you are looking after your friend, although you are stuck and what's worse is that it's affecting you now.

Firstly you need to look after yourself, because if you aren't strong enough, or aren't to cope with your friend then you won't be able to help her.

You can only learn so many coping mechanisms for each situation and when you had anxiety before, now it could be a totally different situation, so you may not know how to cope with your friend suffering from OCD and depression.

Remember when you had anxiety before then depression would have been right behind you and add onto your anxiety, simply because they are both joined together, however OCD is caused by anxiety and I've had it for many years and know what it does to you.

You've been looking after her for 3 years and it probably seems as though it's only going around in circles, so tell your friend that you have booked an appointment with a doctor and you will go with her, and tell her that there is help out there but it won't come to her she has to try and seek out help from those who are experienced, but you will be right behind her.

By saying this she could go with you to your doctor's appointment, she has to start somewhere. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Dana123,

Welcome to the forums!

I appreciate you reaching out and it sounds like you care a lot about your friend. I can see that you're really trying to get her some help but maybe feeling a bit stuck because she isn't wanting to help herself.

You mentioned that she knows she needs to seek help; do you know what might be holding her back? Sometimes this can be key. Someone might be afraid to see a therapist because they fear they'll be told they're crazy - others might worry about what's going to happen. It would be great to try and understand what might be holding her back as this can be key to being able to move forward. Would she even consider coming on here for a chat?

The really really tough thing is that we can only help people so much. There are a billion threads (just a wild guess!) on this with people in the same boat; trying to help others who don't want to help themselves. It is exhausting, and people do go around in circles. At the end of the day we can't force people to get help even though it hurts to watch them be in pain.

Hope this helps,