Unsure about what to do...

[blue-bell]

My partner of 4 years has been struggling with depression and anxiety his whole life. He has been coping using alcohol which has caused so many issues. About a month ago, be stopped drinking for good. Since stopping, he has become a very diffeent person. He is angry, cold and has told me he doesn't care about anyone, or anything. He has told me he doesn't care about me and has said some extremely hurtful things. He says he regrets proposing to me and buying a house together. Recently, he did some online assessments through Blackdog institute and it says he potentially has bipolar. I have always thought this could be the case and he has been treated incorrectly which can have terrible consequences. He says he is open to seeing someone to get help, but that it won't change things with us. He hasn't broken up with me, but has completely shut me out and keeps saying horrible things to me. He says he just doesn't care.

I don't believe that he feels this way. I think its his mental health talking. I am stuck though... I don't know if I should stay and continue to endure this while he figures this all out, or if I should walk away from our lives together.

He has said that he doesn't care or feel anything right now, but worries in a few months time he would realise he has made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. 

Has anyone experienced this and can offer some advice? I'm so heartbroken and lost. 

[Bob_22]

Hi blue-bell,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting here. You have asked a great question and something a lot of users I'm sure would want to know. I'm sorry that you've been struggling recently but you've done great so far in recognising what is going on as well as coming here for support.

I should mention, if you are ever in crisis or want to talk to someone one on one you can always contact the counsellors here at beyond blue 24/7 over the phone or through webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

As someone who is supporting someone else with mental health issues you sound very empathic. It is great that you have shown patience and recognising some of what is going on may have nothing to do with you or your relationship. However, I would recommend that you find your own support as well as I imagine you are under immense strain. If you aren't currently seeing anyone I might recommend you visit the GP so you can get a referral to a mental health professional. Just so you can have someone to lean on a little as well as someone you could provide advice on how best to support your partner. I know it must be incredibly hard dealing with the complexities of a relationship strained by mental health issues/substance misuse but you don't have to deal with it on your own. I also did some digging online and found a good resource on the lifeline website which has some great tips for people supporting others with substance misuse issues: https://toolkit.lifeline.org.au/topics/substance-misuse/for-friends-and-family-substance-misuse 

I hope this helps a little. Thank you again for all you do. Please keep us updated on how you go and again, make sure you take care of yourself. 💙

Bob