The merry go round for trying to help someone with anxiety
Please excuse my grammar and spelling but my mind seems to be a mush.
I have a 22year old son who is struggling badly with anxiety. For the past three months he has had no job. He had to leave because he doesn't want to be vaccinated. He said he will apply for 'Remote work from home' positions, which he did for a little while but with each knock back he has had, the more reluctant he is to try again. He has finally applied for jobseeker and was thinking of doing a course but now he isn't so sure. He says what's the point of doing a course if you aren't really interested in the subject. I've tried to encourage him towards something he does like but he can only find a negative outcome. He doesn't want to work. He is happy at home. He said there is no point in working for the next 30 years to be miserable. I've told him over and over again that I don't care what kind of job he has. Full time or part time. Just something. How can I help him to see the positive sides of life,getting a job, having friendship's, relationships? He does exercise in our shed four times a week, which is fantastic but I want him to want more to life. Is that a bad thing? I know it is extremely hard for him. It is also extremely hard for myself and my husband. I'm I expecting to much? I'm I thinking more of my needs than his. Please help.
Hi Where to begin,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.
First and foremost, you are doing a great job in encouraging him. What you are asking of him is not too much, nor is it a bad thing to want your son to succeed and gain independence. Although this time with COVID is hard, especially when vaccination is essential for employment, there are many online jobs or studies (as you have said) that your son can join. It is not necessarily something that you can instantly change his mindset on as he appears to oppose employment. This may just be because of the decline of work. This is definitely one of those situations where he has to change his own mindset for his behaviour to change. Possibly creating jobs for him to do around the house, will help him gain a bit more independence and drive. Or helping him find an outlet of something he is really good at (creative or academic) will bring back a spark and motivation. He may even be able to do outdoors personal training?
I do not believe that you are thinking of your needs more than his by wanting your son to strive and be happy. You are being a great mother by wanting what is best for your son. Sharing jobs with him, activities, academic opportunities that you come across may help him find something he likes. By also chatting to him and let him know your feelings, and why you want him to seek out opportunities (rather than him thinking that he has to do this because mum is telling him to), may push him further and believe that he has his own decisions.
I would recommend to make contact with a GP or psychologist, as they can assist him with techniques.
Would love to hear from you x
Thank you Maddeline for your reply.
It's really hard to find the right words to say to him. I keep thinking and doubt what I say is the correct. Like him, I start to overthink things, and worry what I've said is to pushy and not more encouraging. Our conversations are very calm and respectful to each other. There is also lots of tears, mainly on my behalf. I try to hold them back but I encourage my children to show their true emotions, therefore, should I hold back mine?
As you had said you can not change their mindset. It's up to him. I like the idea of encouraging and gaining more self confidence by doing more things at home for me. He already helps with cooking, now I need to step back and allow him to make the whole meal on his own.
He has been to a psychologist but he has said it wasn't for him. I do encourage for him to try someone else or to see our GP but at the moment, he isn't willing.
I do have a positive, he had mentioned of doing a course again and offered to volunteer with a craft group, that I am with, to do their book work. Fingers crossed he follows through.
Any help, suggestions, and guidance that you can offer will be greatly appreciated
Where to Begin
Hello, there is nothing wrong with how you have approached this, talking with young adults is not very easy because they have their own set in their mind of what they want to do and sometimes no one knows more than they do.
The main problem is that if you aren't vaccinated your chances of employment are very small, just as being able to be admitted into a coffee shop etc and those that don't want to have the injection are slowly dwindling down.
They have their reasons and I'm not going to argue with that, but they are eliminating themselves from being able to gain employment or access to other facilities, that's their decision to make and hopefully, they will realise what they're missing out on.