teenager struggling with anxiety and school

[Shazej]

My 14 year old son has been diagnosed with situational type anxiety disorder ~ he struggles with anxiety in groups of people, especially numbers over 5 or 6.  He started high school just before the anxiety started, and after a number of months of many absences, full blown anxiety attacks, tears and stress, we made the decision to try distance education, which he has done for 18 months.  This was a relief in some ways as we didn't have the anxiety to deal with each and every day, and were able to use the strategies given to us by his psychologist.  He has been able to go into shopping centres, walk the streets of a major city at peak time, still feeling some anxiety but coping with it.  Late last year he decided he wanted to return to his high school, so we started to transition him just one day a week for a couple of hours.  Some times we had success, other days we didn't.  Again he wanted to try returning to school this year, so met with his school and they have advocated with a flexible timetable to support. First two days he pushed through those barriers, which for him the major hurdle is the nausea, but this week he has not attended for any time at all.   Dad thinks he is putting it all on to get out of school, and has called him retarded and told him he's going to send him to the army.  Very supportive.  I have tried to talk to my son about building his resilience and pushing thru those barriers as I have seen him do successfully.  I have removed some privileges to try and get some buy in from him also, and set some expectations that I think are reasonable in relation to attending school.  The expectations are that he attends school for at least 2 periods 3~ 4 days a week but obviously that is going to be hard to support if his dad is angry and feeling frustrated that things aren't changing.  A lot has changed in that he can go down the street, or go to a friends house for a few hours, and I can normally get him to open up to me or do some form of school work.  He disclosed to me that he thinks that we would be better off without him because he just causes the family problems.  I ask him if he was having thoughts around ending his life and he said no.  But obviously I'm worried.  He has been previously medicated for a short period but became aggressive and kept running off.  His dad now wants him medicated again.  I'm stressed, I feel like I'm forever in crisis mode, having to react when things blow up between them and smooth things over again.  My health suffers because of this and I know I need to stay strong both mentally and physically for my son.  But I can feel myself becoming anxious, worrying about what is going to happen from day to day.  

[Pixie15]

Hi,

I am sorry for your son's struggle. He would have had one class in primary school. I guess that his difficulty is increased by having to adapt to a different group for each subject he has. 

Maybe it might help to consider what his dad is suggesting. If your son had a bad reaction to one medication does not mean that there is not another one that may be more helpful. It might get him past those barriers.

Have your discussed medication with a doctor or psychiatrist? 

It seems your son really wants to go to school and you mention he has friends so I hope you find a way to help him to do that. 

Please take some time to care for yourself. 

[geoff]

dear Shazej, you are in a difficult situation with your husband  and also your son.

You have tried a desensitization type therapy with your son, but this won't work if there is a resistance from your husband, who is always some incidence from him, because when he does it then breaks this type of therapy.

Have a look online about this type of therapy, and the thing is if he manics about where he is in this, then take a step back to where he felt comfortable, and then slowly move to the next stage.

All of what I am saying here might 'be double dutch' to you, or you don't know what I am saying, but the website will explain it better for you. L Geoff. x

[giggles]

Hi Shazej

Goodness you poor thing what a stressful life you are having and my admiration to you for all that you have done so far.

But your health may take a hit somewhere too by the sound of it if you do not have some strategies in place for yourself.

Your son is at such a tender age too and you know it is so sad that we do not have a sytem in place yet to cater for the sensitives I call them which sort covers all of us on here.

I hope your son has friends his own age because as much as we love our children I have 2 I realised my role is very limited in some ways so the peers can take the slack for areas that I can not get too. Even today it is the same thing and my children have left and are getting on with life.I only have certain subjects I talk to them about but I am comfortable with this.

I was wondering if your son has expressed any desires for his life at all in regard to how he sees himself doing in school, life etc.

I get the dynamics the family is going through but maybe it is time to take a step back from it and come back with fresh eyes as I put it.

Off course these things take time as we only get to sort one problem out at a time as I am sure you know. I get the love you are expressing though and hope you can see that it has potential to become too consuming for all involved.

I am sure there is always strategies on the site to have a look over for yourself as well as your son but perhaps he could start finding a few for himself with the emphasis of self help. He is not too young to know what he likes afterall.

Well  done for all you have been doing so far and speaking up I sincerely hope something twicks for your family to bring a balance that all can maintain.

Giggles