Suspected depression and the end of marriage

[SoulSearch]

Hi There

For the first time in 2 decades I believe my partner is suffering from depression. The things being said and the behaviours all are signs. I’ve also been told that our marriage is over, there is no joy or desire or will to fight for it. There is no official diagnosis yet but I’m very confident it’s depression of some kind.
So I’m really confused. I’m hurt because our marriage has been ended without warning and I want to fix it and bring us closer and reconnect. But my partner has said that’s not what they want.
How can I provide help and support and love and care and confirm that I won’t let go without fighting for them and us, when I’m being pushed away and told to give space and separation?
I feel like if I stay away it’s confirming that I don’t want to help or fix our marriage.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is a fine line when separating in terms of promoting you want to reunite or not talk at all.

However once you've told your spouse that you want to work on your marriage any further mention of that desire can turn him/her away. The reason for this is that often they just need space or they might feel crowded. After all if your spouse has made up his mind not to return then nothing you say will change his mind at least at that time. I'm well aware of your feelings and you're not in a good place mentally, but I can also assure you that as this is an initial period, your coping issues will change over time to self blame to anger then resolve. When you arrive at resolve you'll accept it was meant to be and it wasn't anyone's fault. Sadly it's the way life often works.

To assist you further please Google the following and read the first post-

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

TonyWK

[Pumpkinella]

Hi SoulSearch,

I am sorry for what you are going through, that's really tough. When people are suffering depression they can withdraw and often don't feel like they have any motivation or drive. I don't know what your partner is experiencing exactly and whether your partner is seeking help from a psychologist (or is even interested in such a thing) but it might be worth asking if he/she would like to talk to someone that can help.

You may also want to consider seeking psychological counsel just to help you deal with all of this. Its a very emotional time and I am sure a psychologist would help you navigate this difficult period and provide strategies around the best way to handle it. In the meantime, I have found that if a friend, partner, or loved one is asking for space the best thing to do is to give it to them. It may really hurt and I'm sure you would feel helpless but not giving a person space can actually worsen the situation, so you would be doing good by respecting this. You can always call a friend or relative to discuss it - or please come and chat more here - to try and vent a little bit. This can help when dealing with the emotions of having to step back when you want to approach.

Love

Pumps