Supporting husband with OCD, Anxiety and depression

[Sahn]

Hi

this is my first time here - not really sure what to say.

Mynhusband has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. He was sucidal last year and got help from a psychiatrist and psychologist which seemed to improve. He has always been pessimistic and everything is always worse case scenario. His OCD Manifests in control mainly money every cent we spend or I should say I spend is a nightmare. Everything is about money and savings. We are not poor nor rich but much better off then a lot of people. I can lectured on how many can spend of soft drink I take to work per week, water bottles not being saved and of course my smoking. I feel monitored every minute. He doesn't have motivation to do anything whether it be maintence stuff around the house or going out somewhere. We have two sons who are 8 who he loses his temper so much with them that they tell me daddy always says no or daddy is always yelling.

i suffer from bouts of depression myself and have fibromyalgia- I am starting to wonder if maybe we aren't better off apart because I feel that I lose any motivation I have because he doesn't want to do anything.

i am just so exhausted and unhappy right now I don't know what to do

[Croix]

Dear Sahn~

I'm glad you came here to the Forum, hopefully you will find if not compete answers then at least fresh perspective.

To start with your conditions: depression and fibromyalgia. There are not trivial matters and do require both medical and personal support. May I ask if you are under treatment? I'm aware there is no easy answer for the fibromyalgia, however I believe dealing with your depression and lifestyle may be a bit of a help with it.

Apart from that do you have anyone to talk to? Family or friends that can understand what you are going though and who will support you? I've found this to be a great help, amazingly lifting part of the burden.

Now with your husband it sounds as if you are in an abusive relationship, all that negativity controlling and criticizing. If one did not have depression and anxiety before one is quite likely to succumb to these illnesses after constant treatment like that.

I can understand you know the reasons behind his behavior, the insecurity over finances and desire to control, inability to keep up with chores, maintenance and so on, together with unreasonable attitude and very bad temper. However simply knowing the causes is not really that much help, the abuse is still just as real.

If I was in your position I'd be thinking seriously of a break, with the kids, away from him. I'm aware I don't know your circumstances or how practical an idea it is, however if you did manage to do that there might be a couple of benefits. Firstly there would be a whole lot less pressure on you (and the kids), giving you time to recoup and consider the whole matter. Secondly if you wanted to go down that track use your moving out as a means of getting your husband to realize how bad a stage things have reached - and possibly motivate him to seek urgent and more effective treatment.

I'm afraid I can't see much in the way of positives in going along as you are now. This destructive and toxic behavior will simply wear you down to the point where any change is too much effort.

As I said at the beginning of this post I'm glad you came here and hope you might like to post again and say what you think

Croix

[blondguy]

Hello Sahn

Welcome to the forums and for having the courage to post too!

I am sorry that you are in such a dark place at the moment. Being mentally exhausted for any reason is an unpleasant place to be. I used to have chronic anxiety in the '80's followed by depression which I still have. I understand where you are coming from Sahn as I was in a toxic relationship too.

Croix has a ton of life experience when it comes to mental health and just in my opinion he is spot on with his advice where taking a break with your children away from your husband. This does seem to be a toxic place to be in, not only for yourself but for the current and future well being of your children

The health of your children and yourself are paramount. I sincerely wish you can somehow organise a break as you would have so much to gain and nothing to lose by doing so Sahn

My name is Paul....one of the members on the Beyond Blue forums. There are also many gentle folk on the forums that can be here for you as well. I do hope you can post back when and if you choose 🙂

you are not alone here Sahn

My Kindest wishes for you

Paul

[geoff]

hi Sahn, I really feel sorry for you, because that's exactly me, as I have OCD, depression, anxiety, however I believe my depression/anxiety is under control, but I also self medicated with alcohol, but I never hurt any of my family, I just thought I needed to mention.
I always worry when a person sees both a psychologist and then a psychiatrist, although the latter can be to prescribe medication, however this hasn't been mentioned, but the concern is that when he sees one of these professionals, so they talk about something where he may have an inclination to like what was said, so then he goes the other one and tells them what was discussed, but they might not agree with what was discussed, so this then leaves him confused, not knowing who to believe.
Unfortunately his OCD is difficult to tackle and certainly won't be able to do while he's depressed as well as being anxious.
My wife now ex, left me several times, taking our two sons, and at that point I felt somewhat relieved, because each day was my own, I did whatever I wanted to do, which was nothing, although I did miss them, but hated being told off, and told what I should be doing.
He maybe seeing these prof's but that doesn't mean he's not in denial because it's very complex situation he's in.
Now that you have depression and maybe your two sons have it as well, because anybody can develop it, especially by the way he's been treating you all, so I do suggest leaving him at the moment, get yourself help and contact Reachout/Headspace for your two sons to talk to, because if you stay at home with him, then you and your sons are only going to feel worse.
In actual fact that's what I wished for to be left alone, even though I dearly loved them. Geoff.