Support someone who is closed off

[BreannaS]

My best friend has recently become completely closed off. He has told me he will not say anything to anyone, he does not need anyone, it’s better to be alone, everyone are backstabbers everyone if fake. I asked if he thought I was those things, if he trusted me, he said yes. I said I’m here you can talk to me about anything what is said between us stays between us. He refused and again said he will never tell anyone anything. Normally he would eventually open up to me after a bit of conversation about other things, but this time he was adamant on not telling anyone absolutely anything. I am extremely worried about him, I myself have experienced this and seen some other people in my life go through the same and I know it doesn’t end very well. I care about this person more than anything and it breaks my heart to hear he does not even want to tell me anything, when normal absolutely everything is on the table for discussion. He says I can deal with it myself, it’s fine, I don’t need anyone, which to me is extremely worrying words. I don’t know what to do. I do not want to push but it has never been this way before and I’m losing sleep because of my worry. I’ve let him know I’m here every day with a simple have a good day, let me know if you need anything or a funny meme, but I’m not sure what else I can do. How do I help a person that’s completely closed off, how do I show up for them and what is too much of not enough?

My appreciation 

Thank you 

[Croix]

Dear BreannaS~
I'd like to welcome you to the Forum. I'm sure it is being at a complete loss and concern over your friend has brought you here. As it is something that happens quite a bit if you look around you may find others in similar situations.

Now I'm not saying your friend has the issues I have, however by telling you how it has been for me maybe it will give you some idea that it's not going to be anything you did that caused the problem, it is not personal, it is a set of symptoms.

I have been affected by PTSD, depression and aniety. They combined to make me distrust everyone - a common reaction to these conditions. Also my mind was so full of thoughts put there by depression that I had no mental capacity left to deal with other people - no matter how caring they were. It was simply natural to push everyone away and withdraw by myself.

I guess it might be your friend has similar issues to cope with (I'm no doctor so am just guessing).

So what to do? You need to be able to live with this highly stressful and worrying time. It is not possible to look out for others if your own state is too run down. So may I ask what support you have yourself? Either medical through your GP or other professional. And personal, maybe with a member of your family or a friend? Trying to bear all the weight by yourself is not good at all

My partner had her mum to support her and that made all the difference.

With your friend I'm sure the best thing you can do is try to encourage him to seek medical advice, or if he is already doing so to go back to them and stay the current treatment is not effective

Saying you will always be there is a pretty good thing. It was a great comfort to know my partner would be for me, though at the time I scarcely acknowledged it and you would not have known I felt better as a result

I was easy to overload when there I had little coping capacity left. So I'm afraid restraint may be called for and contact made only occasionally, and then perhaps by a text which unlike a phone call or face to face is something that does not require an immediate response

Please let me know how you get on

Croix