Suddenly Depressed Boyfriend

[daisyzoe]

So as of sunday this week, my boyfriend has very suddenly withdrawn completely & wouldn't speak to me for a few days. he describe this withdrawal to me as feeling sick in the pit of his stomach and constantly this heavy feeling in his chest. everything was an effort for him, including speaking to me which is very out of character. as soon as he described his symptoms, i automatically linked this to anxiety/depression. 

He is 25 next year and i think he is experiencing a lot of anxiety and pressure about his future, i.e. career, buying a house etc. from his own personal expectations. 

 i saw him this evening and he arrived at my house and immediately i noticed his lack of energy. he ended up falling asleep next to me for an hour and then when he was awake, we didnt say a word. i could definitely notice a sense of emptiness, exhaustion and numbness in him and he then went home as he didnt want to 'annoy me with his bad mood' (i reassured him i understood the situation and if he wanted his space/to feel comfortable then he should).

 so my question is, what do i do to support him? im really concerned as i have never seen him in such a deep depressive state. i reassured him that i love him, i will give him all the space he needs and im always here for him, but im feeling really uneasy about the situation and want to help and support him as much as possible. Advice please? 

[Paul]

Hi daisyzoe,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. It can be upsetting, confusing and lead to self blame when someone we love suddenly has a mood change. It can be frightening as well. I understand how concerned you are.

There's some great information on the Beyond Blue website for people who love someone or provide care for someone who has depression and/or anxiety. In the menus below you'll see "For me" then at the bottom of that is "Friends and family"

Do you feel there is something he isn't telling you or do you feel it's something else? If you can encourage him to visit his Dr that would certainly help if he is not sure what is going on as well. He may wish for you to go with him or it might be something he would prefer to do privately.

Sometimes it's hard to know what to say to someone who is feeling horrible. A lot of the time the person who is feeling horrible doesn't feel like talking, but being in the same room with someone is enough to feel safe. I like how you reassured him that you love him and will give him space and are there for him.

Perhaps for the moment that's the only thing you can do. He may need some space and time to understand what's happening himself. This type of situation requires that you look after yourself and make sure you are tending to your own emotional and physical needs. Chat with a friend or chat with us here 🙂 and keep yourself anchored to your own needs.

Stay in touch daisyzoe, I know it's difficult to not know what he's thinking or feeling for that matter. We're here for you.

Paul

[geoff]

dear Daisy, I appreciate your concern with your b/friend, and what you have told him is exactly what to do, and what Paul has said is really worthwhile doing.

Try and get him to see his doctor, where you could perhaps suggest to go with him but he may need a little persuasion by you.

When we try and help someone in depression there's a chance that we may try too hard, and ask too many questions which he won't know the answers to, and doesn't want to even think about it, which will then make him withdraw even further.

What you are doing is great support for him. Geoff. x