struggling with special needs children

[Matchy69]

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

[Jstar49]

Hi guys,

I just wanted to pop in and catch up on your thread Mark. It's Friday today so I'm wondering if you've had any ideas for your weekend?

I'm hoping soccer will be on Saturday- it's been wet and so lots of training and games have been canx.

My heads in a bit of a mess today so I don't know what will be happening apart from that. Oh except my d has a birthday party to go to, so that will give me some time out on Sunday.

Things are pretty bad with my H atm. He has opened up (in anger) about the paranoid thoughts he still having (except he thinks they are real) and it's very damaging to our relationship and my feelings of safety and security. Not physical safety exactly. I've got the whole 'Fight/flight' thing going on, looking at rentals, wondering how I can get out of this relationship with the least disruption for my child. Everywhere I look I see my home, our home, and it breaks my heart to have to leave it, uproot my daughter, struggle financially and with time/work committments.

Boudica I can hear how full on life must be for you atm, and I applaud your efforts to have purpose and meaning in your life apart from your responsibilities as a carer. I have been there as a single parent, and it's really difficult. Let alone caring for elderly family as well. BTW I like your term of 'life admin'- thats really great! It gives value to all that time that needs to be spent sorting out 'stuff'/

I hope you can get that time you need really soon. It's important, to recharge those batteries.

Many blessings,

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar I know what it is like to have the mistrust from your husband with him thinking things are true when they are not only in his head.That really makes things really tough in your houshold especially with your daughter.I went through it for years with my ex making up things in her head and only being true in her head.It seemed like a never ending battle that we should never have happened.

I really not sure about this weekend.I might get the kids out in the garden.The weather looks like sunny this weekend just a bit cold.

Take care,

Mark.

[Boudica]

Hey J,

It hurts when you don't have the trust of the person you love (I have been there). I remember getting ridiculous accusations and just thinking that if he actually knew who I was and loved me, he could not think me capable of such things. It really makes you feel alone. But then, how many people on here have trusted their partners and they have been let down, it can be hard to feel secure in love. Is your husband finding it hard to adjust to you being more out and about in the world with the new job perhaps? I am not trying to excuse him, just trying to understand. I hope you can work through things.

[Boudica]

Hello team,

Thanks for all your supportive comments the other day, it really helped.

I did go and see my supervisor, I should have done it sooner instead of becoming a stressed out lunatic. He is so lovely, and after I blurted out all my project problems, he just said "don't worry about it, you can take as long as you like" in his german / fijian accent. Speaking to him about it has lifted a weight off. I need to learn to tell people when I am struggling with things sooner. I find it hard though, as I am tough on myself, and I do not want to appear weak to others. But I'm starting to realise that attitude is destroying me. It applies not just to study but all areas of my life I think. I really find it hard to trust people enough to show weakness or ask for help. It comes from my childhood I guess. Working on it slowly.

Mark, I hope your having a nice weekend with your kids. I want to get my son to go out bike riding with me more often, we have a track that goes around the lake nearby. He enjoys it when I get him out there, but is so hard to get him to leave the house at all. I took him to the zoo last weekend and even though he likes the animals, he just kept asking when he could go home. Have you have this trouble with your kids at all?

[Matchy69]

Hi Boudica I hope you can get out bike riding with your son.I am just sitting in front of the fire with my daughter and my son has just woken up after going back to bed after breakfast.I will see if I can do something with them.

Take care,

Mark.

[Boudica]

Hi Mark,

There's nothing that compares to a fire, I am glad you are cosy. I always lived in houses with fireplaces, but now I don't have one and I really miss it. I bought a tiny pot belly to put out in the courtyard though, but we have to almost sit on top of it to get any warmth. I can cook marshmallows and sit around like camping though!

Bike ride is off as the weather is a little drizzly this weekend. My son only thinks of vintage electronics 24/7 so currently he is messing around with an old laptop from 2004 trying to get it working - he has many! These days I am pretty good at disassembling and reassembling laptops myself since I must always be involved in his activities!

I have slept well for 2 nights in a row now and what a difference it makes....feeling much more human. I hope you are fairing ok will your sleep and your health, it really makes it harder deal with day to day stress when your body is struggling. I am trying to pay more attention to my health at the moment as I have been neglectful.

Enjoy your Sunday, I hope it is peaceful and cosy.

[Guest_1643]

hi all, how was ur weekend with the kids Mark? did u manage some time to relax?

my weekend has been quiet and a bit upsetting , feeling stressed about a few things the coming week. Like Boudaica i managed more sleep and do feel grateful.

My apartment is so messy I just want to hide 😞

how are u both going over the weekend

[Boudica]

Hey Sleepy,

I think I am chasing you around the forum - I just replied on your thread! Glad you got some sleep too! I'm sorry you are stressing about something.

Weekend was ok but feel bad / anxious about not getting enough study done.

Mess stresses me out too. I grew up with a hoarding Mum, so I start panicking when clutter starts to appear, it actually makes it hard for me to breathe and I feel like I'm suffocating and I worry I will turn in to my mother. In reality I manage the house ok, but I am paranoid that could change at any time, I feel the danger there.

I never try to do the whole house at once as it can be overwhelming - one task only. eg. clear clothes from chair next to bed, then I can feel happy with that one task that is done. I always make my bedroom perfect before any other room, as it is meant to be my sanctuary.

[Guest_1643]

hey Boudaica, 🙂 how do u make ur bedroom soothing? that is a beautiful strategy. you need that space for urself to stay sane. My bedroom is the most disorgaised. My mother was a hoarder too, it is scary. thanks for understsading me. I used to have fantases of cleaning my parents home, but they wouldn't let me. Hoarders are very posessive of their things, even if they are broken and useless. A broken TV is kept for 10 years "just in case."

I find it very odd. I wouldn't say I'm a hoarder as I have very little stuff but i'm not neat at the moment, although my true nature is very organised. i love organisation and decluttering!!

we have a decluttering thread here a whileback, it was super interesting. Very cold here today, like Ice. Hope ur keeping warm. Sending good vibes to u and to mark

good vibes all round!! thanks for ur comments about social work

[Boudica]

Good Morning Mark & Sleepy,

I hope your day is going well so far 🙂

Sleepy, I have found the things that make a room comforting to me are 1)simplicity 2) light 3) nature. Hence, my bedroom furnishing consists of: 150 year old iron bed I bought from an old lady when I was a teenager, clean white bed linen, a rush seat chair I dump clothes on when undressing and a wooden table with an antique bronze lamp that comes from family. I also have a fiddle leaf fig plant - I have plants in every room of the house. My bedroom is upstairs and looks out upon trees and is very light. From my bed I look out and can only see sky and tree canopy.

Clothes clutter I manage by restraining it to my small walk-in-robe and shutting the door (I declutter often too). I am very afraid of clothes accumulating as my mother has around 5 large wardrobes and 4 large chests of drawers full of clothes.

Cosmetics, brushes, lotion are only allowed in a designated area mirror area within my WIR. They are not allowed in my bedroom. Electronics (laptops phones etc) must be removed from bedroom to cupboard in the night!

Whilst my rules might seem a little weird. They work for me, and perhaps having lived with hoarders, you will understand how unnerving clutter can be. Like you, I love organisation and decluttering, yet mess can also appear unexpectedly somehow to my great horror and dismay!

Mark sorry to clot up your thread with my bedroom rant, I know it is quite an odd thing to be talking about 😉