Pushed away, how to react?

[DianeB]

Hi,

My depressed boyfriend pushed me away 2 days ago as he doesn't want to see anybody and talk to anybody and he wants to be alone.

Last night he sent me text saying he doesn't like the relationship, because I'm in love but not him. The relationship was great when it was casual but then it moved up to an other level and he can't manage that. Since things have changed a little bit.

He said that doesn't want a relationship anymore and last night he was close to breaking up with me. I said to him that I was here for him, that I know he's saying that because of his depression but I can wait until he gets better.

My question is: what should I do because he doesn't want to see me and communicate with him. I sent him a text the last two days and things got worse. I would like to leave him his space, but should I try to communicate or visit him anyway to show him that I'm here for him?

Thank you for your help. I don't want to loose him. It might sounds crazy to many people, but I don't mind his depression and I love the person he really is, even though I'm gonna have very hard time due to his depression. I'm afraid to do something wrong and loose him.

[Sophie_M]

Hi DianeB, thanks for posting.

We can see that you care deeply for your boyfriend and want to offer him any support you can to help him with his recovery process. We can’t imagine it’s been easy for you to sit on the side lines waiting for him to let you in again.

Clinical depression is a medical condition. As you may already know, it significantly affects the way someone feels, causing a persistent lowering of mood. While depression symptoms vary and affect everyone in different ways. Symptoms include: feeling extremely sad or tearful; disturbances to normal sleep patterns; loss of interest and motivation; feeling worthless or guilty; loss of pleasure in activities; anxiety; changes in appetite or weight; loss of sexual interest; physical aches and pains; impaired thinking or concentration.

We get the impression that you may have already picked up on some of his mood changes, and since you will know your partner better than anyone at beyondblue, if he has requested some space then it might be worthwhile to give it to him. Keeping in contact with him from time to time may not be a bad idea, but if he doesn't reply to your messages or calls, that would be his way of saying, I need some more space, and leave it with him to contact you. I’m sure he will appreciate that you are keeping in contact with him. Keep in mind that people with depression tend to withdraw and isolate, so decide how long is too long without contact from him, and use that as a guide to know what further steps may need to be taken.

When you get the opportunity to talk to him again, try to encourage him to link in with ongoing support, if you haven’t already done that. A good starting point is often with the GP. The GP can complete a thorough needs assessment and may offer to put him on a Mental Health Plan, which can be valuable in gaining government rebates to reduce the costs associated with speaking to a professional such as a counsellor or psychologist.

Supporting someone with anxiety or depression can be difficult and it is important to also take care of yourself. The beyondblue website also has a helpful section for family and friends.

We hope that you can continue to use our forum in the future. You are welcome to call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or come to webchat if you have further concerns or questions.

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, closing this thread as it is covering the same ground as this earlier thread here:

Loving someone with depression, how to manage it 

Please feel free to continue your discussion in the original thread.