Partner struggling with depression.

Supporting_Him · ‎16-08-2017

Hi,

Hoping someone can give me some advice

My "partner" is struggling with depression pretty badly. We've recently broken up because of it, he believes he can't be with me until he can give me the life I deserve.

I'm doing everything that I can to be really supportive, we still talk everyday and are in each others lives a lot still, I've let him know how much I love him and that I'm not going anywhere and that he can always speak to me and he's said he appreciates it.

Problem is that I'm the only person he has spoken to about it, he won't tell any of his family or friends and the one time he told his doctor the doctor told him it would go away on its own and since then he has refused to go back, he doesn't want to talk to someone about it and refuses all kinds of help. It's been goin on for about five months, and I can tell that he's slowly getting worse, at the beginning he knew that he loved me and he still had some emotion, now he has not outward emotions at all, he has completely closed off all sort of emotion that may hurt him. Now he goes out every night and has asked me to move out of our house while he figured himself out.

I'm really struggling to be supportive when he's completely blocked himself off. I don't know what advice I can give to him that will help. He's hoping that going out all the time will do it but I'm not so sure.

At the beginning he thought that it was because he was struggling with money, he had gained some weight, he lost his friends and was feeling lonely and that I had not been affectionate enough at the time. Now he is in the headspace that just says oh well to everything and he's stopped trying to work on those things

What do I do here? I'd like to help him get better and help our relationship get back together again.

Thank you.

white knight · ‎16-08-2017

Hi SH, welcome

I commend you for your endurance, its what a depressed person needs.

I dont blame him for keeping his deptession from his family and friends. Google

Topic: they just wont understand why?- beyondblue

But he can be his own enemy for refusing to get help. So many members here that have sought help and gone on to lead productive lives...like me, here helping you as a community champion.

Google

Topic: is there room for stubborness?- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place?- beyondblue

That should cover his side of things. He is at risk however and I'd keep in close contact or have contact details of lifeline and bb (ph number at bottom of this page,)

As for your relationship him seeking professional help hinges on its success. Without such help there is a rocky road for you.

He should also acknowledge his responsibilities in the relationship. Google

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

To move forward ovetall you might need to share this information with him. As a team you will get ghrough this and he will find happiness and stability. If no teamwork his future could be a gloomy one that would be beyond your control.

Therefore do as much as YOU can but at the end of the day you cannot do his part as well.

We are here for you.

Topic: what life's like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Tony WK

Supporting_Him · ‎18-08-2017

Thank you WK for all of your information.

I spoke with him last night just attempting to see where he is at the moment and what he is now saying is that he doesn't believe that he has a problem, he has turned from admitting his depression and wanting to get better to not thinking he has a problem at all and this no emotion feeling is normal and he's not going to do anything about it.

Im not sure there is anything left I can do. I've spoke with people who have been through this and they have all said just to be there for him and make sure he knows that I love him because even though at the time they didn't want it that it helped them get through. Will this help someone who has completely closed themselves off to emotion?

He has admitted that he cares about me and remembers how happy we were and doesn't want to lose me but doesn't know if he will ever feel that way again or if he does how long it will take to get there.

I don't know what to do here. It doesn't feel smart to just walk away from him while he's going through all of this but I also don't know what else there is for me to do if he is pretending nothing is wrong.

blondguy · ‎19-08-2017

Hi SH

I think you are amazing for being such a wonderful support person

I understand your anguish as I have had depression now for 21 years (and take meds) and there is relief there for your partner as you know anyway.

However it is very hard to help anyone that is in denial with this common illness.

TonyWK is spot on above saying your partner is his own worse enemy...

Your partner has to 'own the illness' and be willing to help himself by accepting help and having super frequent counseling. Depression cannot be self healed. Just my humble opinion but he is proceeding from a false mindset

My best to you SH as a amazing person.I hope you can stick around the forums and let us know how you go

Paul

Supporting_Him · ‎31-08-2017

Not sure if anyone is still seeing this post but I thought I would give an update.

He has gone to the doctors! Finally realised something serious was going on when he couldn't eat without feeling dizzy. They have prescribed him medication and he's been on it for about three days. It's really knocked him around but all research says this is to be expected. I'm hopeful that this will help him now that he's wanting to get better

Ive done a tonne of research on the drug and what I need to look out for for him so that's all fine but I was wondering if anyone has any personal experiences with coming out on the other side of depression while taking this?

I appreciate any sort of response to this