Partner left me because of the horrible person I was while depressed.

[Guest_10225]

I am truly struggling to grasp that my partner left me. We broke up because of how I was while depressed. 
We had split and 3 months later 

I went and sought  professional help and was diagnosed with depression . I spoke to them about all the things I said and did, and learnt my thinking and reasonings about it all. 

All these conversations with the professionals I had I told her about, told her how my brain was working at the time and how it’s not a reflection of what our relationship ever was. 

I love her so much, and have been together for 11 years. But she won’t let me in completely. We are still in each others life’s, I still help her with things. She said she still cares for me. but because of my actions while I was depressed; the self sabotage - personal demons we broke up. 

It hard because she knows that’s not who I am. That it’s a disease of the brain - I’m making changes and seeking help and talking to professionals. But, It’s getting harder and harder. 

[Sammy]

• It’s really hard but this too shall pass
• keep praying 
• say all will be welll and just do one thing that’s in your control 

[Algernon]

My friend perhaps the first step in your path is the title of your entry. We do terrible things when we are not ourselves and healing can happen when we redress those we've hurt. I really wish you luck in this. It's really hard.

[815]

Hi to everyone who has replied to this post.

You might know me from my post: Supporting a depressed husband - seeking hope

I've recently started reposting on there as things have taken a bit of a turn for the worst for me again. So please understand that I am writing this post from the perspective of a partner, rather than a sufferer. Although if you are like me, you would know that a partner also suffers greatly through these trying times.

While I understand that depression is an illness, that requires more than love and personal support to be managed, it is still difficult to live through the damage that the endless verbal abuse causes when you are constantly told that the depression is your fault. In the past I have thought so many times to walk away, to take my children and go. And I have had that recurring thought a lot in the past few days too.

Although I have never left, when my husband did finally start to see me again, it was still very painful. I don't think that I have yet got to a place where the wounds have healed. I think that will take a long time, if it all. So I totally understand your partner's apprehension at letting you back in completely.

All I can say to you right now though is, don't lose hope. Keep doing what you're doing, seeking treatment and help from professionals. If you work on yourself first, and be honest about the progress and any setbacks, you may be able to progress things with your partner again. I hope she is able to see you for who you really are behind the depression and let you back in.

Take are. And reach out if you ever need to chat.