My support for my wife is failing

[YLTT]

Hello. I'm brand new to the forum. My main reason for joining is to try to find some help and encouragement in assisting my wife through her depression and anxiety. She was diagnosed with bi-polar 5 years ago, and although that is semi controlled, she continues to suffer depression. We have been together 10 years and married for 4. It's such a rollercoaster. Some weeks and months are great, but over the last 3 months she is at an all time low. I left her last year in frustration and feeling that we had nothing left. 10 months later I returned with promise and hope that she had some fight left in her. All things looked promising. Now, some time later, we are back in the same place. I am stronger in support now, but the cracks are appearing. We have tried everything. She is seeing a psychiatrist, on her meds (with some changes in meds advised by doctors), we have called BB, the CAT team, I've listened, supported, suggested, encouraged and even left her be. It's not working, and my want for her to be at peace is stronger than ever.

For me, I'm lonely, and unsupported in general life. I feel I have lost my wife and best friend forever. Who supports me? I need support to retain my strength. Who asks about my day, who shows interest in what my passions are, who do I rely on now.

This post is not just about the poor me, it's about being happy in our life together. Something I'm not sure is achievable for the foreseeable future.

I think we have tried all avenues, but the hope is by reaching out to you fine folk, a new idea may present itself.

thanks for the opportunity to contact the forum.

[Winterfell]

Hi YLTT

what a tough time your family are having. I just wanted to chime in and say that when admission was talked about for my husband I freaked out. In the end though he neededintensive psychiatric input and a magnifier on his illness. He was in for a month and now goes to weekly outpatient groups plus sees his psychiatrist there. It was what he needed, coping with major depression and a spouse and kids and work was all too much. As an inpatient he got his sleep and meds sorted and although we have had a bumpy road 5 months later I see my old husband coming back to me and my children.

[Moonstruck]

Hello dear YLTT

haven't heard from you for a while, so just checking in to see how things are. I hope I didn't cause offence in my last post to you - are you getting any respite at all from the situation on the home-front. Anything happening just for YOU, that you enjoy, places you like going, people you like being with etc. Spending much time alone with your son, just the 2 of you or anything? Have been thinking of you. Drop into our BB Cafe some time if you feel like letting your quirky "other self" out.....that's where you can chat about more lighter-hearted topics...we all need to get our minds off our burdens some time.

Thread Killer too is a good one...if you can make head nor tail of why it's there in the first place! Long story...it's inventor, Gruffudd has disappeared - went to Paris and we have no idea what became of him.

Hoping to see you around and sending best wishes and peace to you.....Should be a beautiful Full Moon on Sunday - go out and have a look at it - I'll be looking at the same one! Amazing isn't it!

[YLTT]

Hello again all.

Long time since I updated this post. Things have been continually on the decline these past few months. It has now come to a head and I have been asking my wife directly to make some changes, as I cant live like this anymore. I have been quite upfront with her and giving her examples of what could occur if things dont change for the better. We have been fighting all Christmas holidays. We have tried many years of counseling, so in desperation I called her Uncle. He is a very compassionate person and knows of our struggles. I went into this meeting with him and my wife thinking he could tell us both the hard truths of what we can both do to change. This wasnt the case. He directed the conversation at my wife from the very start. He has solidified the recommendations from my wifes doctors that she take a hospital stay for a couple of weeks. I am not sure where or what that means, but it seems like a full "reset" for my wife and a chance to change some medications under medical watch. She has reluctantly agreed......finally.

So I need everyone's help. We are going to make an appointment with her psychiatrist first thing tomorrow morning. What I need is recommendations or help in finding the best place for my wife to go.

YLTT

[Wednesday]

Hi YLTT,

Congratulations, that sounds like great progress, well done.

As to a hospital, the is a little tricky for a couple of reasons firstly your psych will probably have an opinion on which hospital is best for you wife. There is also a cost factor i.e. public versus private are you insured for a private facility? My suggestions is that you take advice from your doctor and psych on this matter, they see the patients who go through the system and hear their stories and are in the best spot to compare.

Great work, hopefully while your wife is safe and her welfare being looked after you can get some rest and thinking time too.

Good luck. x

[Winterfell]

I hope your appointment went okay. Admission plans can come as a shock, I know for my husband though it was definitely a turning point. People within the system can explain what options are open to you, in our case a private psychiatric hospital with a dedicated mood disorder program was best. Please take time to look out for yourself and pop in for support or updates as you need.

[YLTT]

Hi again,

We are going to a facility on Friday. My wife is anxious, but willing to have a look. She keeps suggesting to me that she should be able to "snap out of it" on her own without going into a stay like this. We will see I suppose.

We are now having issues with our 9 yo son. He is acting up, damaging wall in anger and hitting , punching and yelling. These episodes have occurred 4-5 times over the Christmas break. Last night it went on for 2 hours and he kept saying that he cant control it. It is deeply worrying me. I'm at work today, but just want out....Im breaking apart now....Im full and cant take much more.

[Winterfell]

If only it was as easy as snapping out of it. It is good she will go to the facility, it sounds like its needed. Im sorry to hear your son is acting out - has your son been informed of what is happening? sometimes we underestimate our kids capacity to understand. I had my kids watch a you tube reading of the book the depression thief, it helped my 8 year old understand what Dad was going through and that it was nothing to do with him. Maybe your son could benefit from talking to someone, a counsellor or family friend?

This is a very stressful time, you will need to look after yourself as a top priority, do something that helps you or relaxes you or generally re-energises you. The feelings of not being able to cope I had also, I wasn't sleeping and hit a wall. It was only when I started following the advice of people on here I started to drag myself up and together for my husband and family.

The clinic stay in retrospect saved my husband and our marriage. He finally got really good intensive therapy and medication reviews and we got on track. I hope it all goes okay this Friday

[YLTT]

Here's an update with some good news. We have visited a clinic to see what it was all about. It looks ideal. Great facilities, great staff and a safe caring environment. My wife has been accepted and the staff think she is a prime candidate. My wife is warming to the idea and we are waiting on a phone call in the next week or so to get admitted.

I am hoping this could be an answer to my wife's situation.

Ill keep this post updated in the hope that it helps others and shows that there can be a positive outcome.

[Winterfell]

I am so pleased that the visit went well, it really sounds like a big step forward for her in the right direction. When my husband went in he found the specialist staff and groups really valuable, he felt supported and understood and he had big medication changes under supervision. It was the start of his recovery. Hopefully she will get admitted soon and it will give you a bit of space which for me also helped. My husband was taken care of so I could try to focus on self care.

thanks for updating, it helps to see that things can move and progress in a positive direction and I hope there are more good updates to come