My son has been diagnosed with severe depression

Lillybell · ‎27-11-2013

Hi everyone, my 18 year old son has recently told me that he has depression after me basically having to drag it out of him. He came to this realisation after breaking up with his girlfriend and talking to some trusted adults. He was given the name of a doctor and received the diagnosis and is beginning anti-depressants. I have noticed changes in him for some time but didn't put it down to depression. What I noticed was an increase in anger and anxiety. Because the changes seemed to coincide with beginning his relationship with his girlfriend, I put the mood changes down to problems with the relationship and them maybe not being suited to each other. Anyway at this point in time my son has pretty much stopped communicating and is very easily angered and defensive with me and my husband. I had some initial concerns about him being put on medication so quickly and without any counselling. He was told by the doctor that he isn't ready for counselling. On top of all of this I've just found out that I may have an inflammatory bowel disease. It just feels like life is piling one thing on top of the other. I worry about my son which causes my symptoms to worsen. There has been multiple stresses put on the family over the last year, but the problems go back several years. I've mentioned a few on other posts. Basically the reason I'm posting here is to get some advice on how to support my son but to also give him the space he needs. It is so difficult feeling like the enemy when all you want to do is help. It just seems that everything I say to him is the wrong thing. Is it normal for an eighteen year old with depression to alienate himself from family and shut them out as part of their depression? The one bright spark is that he has others that he can talk to and he continues to work and socialise. It is just hard for me being shut out. I want my boy back.

geoff · ‎29-11-2013

ear Lillybell, all of this must be very difficult for you, especially if you have any bowel disease, and I hope that's it's not a serious matter, uncomfortable for sure and also worrying.

As hard as it is for me to say this, however I would give your son some space, and by saying this, you have to to take a back seat and always keep an eye on him, which I know you are already doing.

18 year old people, especially males have a belief that they can handle their situation without the help of their parents, and really don't want them interfering, I know this sounds hard, but they have a belief that they are adults, and whether 18 or 21 is adulthood makes no difference because he believes that he is an adult.

At this age where they can now drive, drink alcohol (legally) and perform duties that a 17 year wouldn't be able to do they don't want their parents interfering, that's their side of the story, where a parents is different.

I don't understand why the doctor has given him antidepressants but doesn't believe he needs counselling, because this doesn't twig with me.

See how he goes over the next few weeks, and if his situation becomes worse or even better please get back to us. L Geoff. x

Lillybell · ‎08-12-2013

Hi Geoff, I've only just discovered my post here. It didn't show up on the day of posting so I thought it must have got lost in cyberspace somewhere! Anyway thank you for your reply. My son is doing much better now. He has started the medication and appears to be getting back to his old self. I did back off and eventually he opened up himself which seemed to be a turning point for him. I still have to stop myself from hovering though. He has lost a lot of weight so I tend to fuss about what he is eating. But the signs are positive and he is taking charge of his life so I will trust in that. I've also started seeing a psychologist myself for the first time ever. I'm struggling with that because I'm not used to being on the receiving end of help. I've always thought it a good idea for others and now that it is me I'm feeling foolish about it! I basically sat down on the chair and spent an hour just pouring out one thing after another. I came out of there feeling like I'd ranted on and on! Over the last few days I've changed my mind several times about continuing. At this point I am going to continue. I guess I have to see where the road will lead, as scary as it feels right now.

geoff · ‎08-12-2013

dear Lillybell, I am so pleased for you, and not only has he opened up to you, but you have allowed this to happen, and that's just as good as what he is doing, and your commitment to him.

It does take a lot for a parent to learn on how to cope with their children and I'm not by anyway criticising you at all, but as our children grow we also have to grow with them.

You have started the closeness of a mum to their son again, and this isn't easy, imagine telling your grand mother that you can cook dinner in 2 minutes, there is no way she would ever believe you, but times change.

With your psychologist she is only a person listening to what you have to say, so take it as a close friend, she is trained in this area, just as you are in cooking a beautiful roast, that cauliflower cheese, those roast potatoes and oh the gravy, no one can do it like you can, and the same applies to your psych. L Geoff. x