My mums OCD is getting worse what to do

[Niks85]

Hi there

first of all thanks for taking the time to read this. My mum has severe enough OCD but refuses to talk about it or get help. I remember when I was a child I would have friends stay over and they would ask me why my mum was shaking the locks I used to think it was the norm. My mum has always washed her hands hundreds of times during the day until her hands turn red. She washes everything before using it including the kettle. She also unplugs everything before leaving the house including the oven and it takes a long time of lock checking before leaving the house. I have bipolar disorder and last year I was having relationship problems and ended up in hospital with severe stress. It was recommended that I do a week or two program to help me cope which meant staying in a house and getting therapy like a rehab centre. I have a three year old daughter and I asked my mum who doesn’t work if she could help care for her grandchild so I could get help . She said no she doesn’t want to stay in our house and I know it’s because of her germ phobia so I never ended up getting the therapy because I had nobody else to look after our daughter. My husband had started a new casual job and couldn’t get time off I was so angry because she didn’t help because of germs. My dad often calls me to tell me he’s at his wits end she’s so miserable he wants a divorce. We both try and support her because she was sexually abused as a child so we tolerate her behaviour and support her even though she refuses help or to even recognise she has a problem. My mum is also very opinionated about everyone and just a very unhappy human being. Today I got so angry I cancelled our trip to see them. I asked if we could camp at their property instead of pay for accommodation and she said no because their other guests my brother and his partner won’t like us sharing the bathroom. I can’t take it anymore I need a break from her but I feel guilty taking a break my mum only has one friend of her own and she lives in the uk. I’m the only close friend she has left So I feel bad. My mum told me my daughter who is possibly autistic waiting on the assessment mum said she has autism because I went into hospital last year. She constantly tells me how I should parent even though I’m 110% devoted to my daughter. I love mum but is it bad that I want a break? Was thinking of writing her a letter she lives 5 hours drive away and begging her to get therapy

[Sophie_M]

Hi Niks85,  Thank you so much for sharing this here. We’re so sorry to hear how you worry for your mum and also what you are going through yourself. We can hear you’re a really caring family member and your concerns come from such a loving and supportive place.  I’m sure we’ll hear from our amazing community soon. It’s also really important to check in with yourself while you’re going through this, so it might be good to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone. There’s a really useful part about how it can affect relationships which might be useful to you, too.   If it would help to speak to our team as you process this and cope with the feelings it's brought up for you, we're here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. We want you to know that you are not selfish, your care for your mother shines through in your post. Thanks again for sharing here. We really appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing and offering your support here on the forums, so we hope you can be kind to yourself also through this time.  Kind regards,   Sophie M 

[Niks85]

Hi Sophie_M thanks for your response. I will check out the link about taking care of yourself thanks again 

[Petal22]

Hi Niks85,

Im sorry your mum is dealing with OCD and I understand it would be difficult to witness your loved one going through this.

Yes I believe your mum would benefit from therapy, but it has to be your mums acknowledgment and decision to have therapy.

You can only encourage your mum to seek help for herself.

I understand it must be so hard to hear your mum say no to having your child.

I understand from your mums point of view she may be saying this due to her intrusive thoughts around your child.

I feel this is sad for your mum because she is missing out on time with her grandchild due to her condition.

I know it’s so hard but your mums anxiety OCD is trying to take the front seat in her life but it’s only your mum who can realise this and then in turn learn to take her power back by learning how to manage her OCD…. and she can.