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My man of 11 years

Jaylouise
Community Member

i just want to know if my man has depression or he just over me . I walk in a room , he walks out . I have to ask for any intimacy . He dosent want anything from me .dosent socialize , dosent communicate very well . If I confront him about anything serious he will go to bed .There is so much good about him but for me I'm dying inside with no love or affection . 

6 Replies 6

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello Jaylouise, how long has this been going on for?

pipsy
Community Member
Hi.  From what you say, I would say Depression with a capital D.  Is he on meds?  Maybe he's become 'immune' to them.  Do you have a G.P, I would suggest a visit quick smart, for both of you.  How long have you been together, what are your age groups?  If he's depressed, he won't want to talk until he knows what's causing the depression.  Does he work, perhaps problems there he doesn't or can't talk about.  Does he have any sort of outlet for built-up frustration.  With women, we talk to girlfriends/family/our hairdresser.  With men, they're taught 'men don't wear your hearts on your sleeve'.  They find it hard to open up because they're conditioned not to.  If it is sexual, maybe he feels inadequate.  I think you need to talk to a counsellor to get some strategies on how to communicate in your husband's language.  The more you 'nag' him (sorry about that word), the more he'll 'close shop'.  My dad was a very private person too, mum just had to leave him to sort himself out, his way.  Sorry I can't offer any other help. 

Jaylouise
Community Member
I would say it's become most evident to me since February , but he's always had a communication problem 

Jaylouise
Community Member

Hi pipsy

no he has never been on meds . I am 48 and he has just turned 38 . We have been together 11yrs . He has same job for 6 years and content . It's intimacy and yes I am trying hard not to be a nagger. I asked him today would it bother him if I left . His answer was it hasn't happened and it would be strange not seeing you . There isn't devastation . mu Aunty died today . Nothing there either 

LML
Community Member

Hey Jaylouise, time to go at least to psychologist yourself if you can't get him to his GP, they can give you advice on how to help him & yourself

take care

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello Jaylouise, if he has always had a communication problem, then perhaps it is not something new, but that you have come to the realisation yourself that your needs are not being met. Intimacy, trust and communication are three very important things required for relationships to work, whether depression or any other illness is present. If you don't have those three things, then you're unlikely to be satisfied in the near future.