My husband suffers depression - I’m exhausted dealing with this alone

[Janep]

Mood swings, shutting down, belittling me and made to feel I’m never good enough. I try to be strong, but each day is a battle. I don’t understand what his triggers are and he can’t tell me. Yesterday he stayed in bed all day. He’d been crying. I don’t know why or how to help him. He is on antidepressants, but do they really work? I’m so confused and feel very sad and alone. He doesn’t talk to me about it. Not sure if anyone here can help me, but partners of people with depression need support too! I know I do.

[sjay88]

Hi Janep, and welcome, I am new here to bet not new to mental health issues.
You are right though you need support too.

Firstly, let me say that there is no excuse for your husband belittling you or treating you with disrespect, and I am sorry that he is putting you through this. I am going to try and put myself in his shoes, but firstly has he always belittled you, or is it only since he developing depression or his depression getting worse. If he has always done it then he is using his depression as an excuse to get away with it.

My guess is if he has only started belittling you since his depression has increased, it is probably because he feels inadequate. Unfortunately, sometimes when people feel inadequate they find ways of making others, particularly those close to them feel also feel inadequate. This somehow I believe make themself feel better about themselves. As an individual who suffers from depression amongst other issues, I don't really understand his behaviour, and once again depression or no depression there is no excuse for this type of behaviour.

My suggestion is he needs to see a Psychologist if he isn't already, with a goal that eventually includes you sitting in on his sessions. The goal with these sessions would be for your own grief and needs in the relationship to be spoken about and addressed with the help of the Psychologist while you are both there together. This might kill two birds with one stone, by you sitting in with the Psychologist he may also open up and start talking to you through about what is going on within his internal thoughts, through the Psychologist.

Hope that helps a little Janep

[geoff]

hello Jane, depression affects people in different ways, some keep quiet, while some lash out or it could be a combination of both these, but he doesn't want to talk with you about how he is feeling, this isn't unusual, as I was the same with my family, although I was never awful to anyone.
It's quite possible the AD's aren't doing what they should be doing and may need to reviewed by his doctor, but it maybe difficult for you to do this, so perhaps he has a close friend who can talk with him.
Can you tell me if he is seeing someone regularly for his depression, the other important thing I suggest you do is to click onto 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order', this is a booklet by BB on depression and explains a great deal which may help you.
The other option is that you go and see your doctor yourself, I think it's a good idea. Geoff.