My ex has BPD, and I abandoned her. *trigger*

[Bananahammock]

Hello all, 

I left my bpd girlfriend seven months ago. We recently reconnected (I initiated this) and I feel I truly know now what is needed to care for someone with mental illness. I'm working on a lot of self education and well-being to make sure I'm as prepared as possible to be the supportive and understanding person she needs.  I walked out (4 times) on somebody with abandonment fears, so she understandably doesn't believe or trust me. I've tried everything to show her I care, to let her know I'm here for her, but it's being met with a lot of anger, again, understandable. 

I know she loves and misses me. I know she's hurt by my actions, I know she doesn't want to be hurt more. 

I guess my question is, have you overcome or learned to cope with abandonment and trust worries after a partner let you down? I love her to bits, I want the best for her, and I know I can't force my feelings onto her.. She doesn't have a large support group, so I am worried a little.. It's almost like I'm the only one she can talk to, though I'm also the source of her pain. I want to let her know I'm here for her without making things worse or pushing her away. 

Any thoughts, advice, constructive criticism would be very welcome.

Kind regards, 

BH 

[AGrace]

Hi BH,

I have put my response in your other thread, and I think I will leave it at this for now, until I hear back from you.

I'm happy to chat more if you think it would be useful.

One thing that did come to mind from reading your post here is that your girlfriend doesn't have a big support network. Perhaps this is something you could work with her to improve. I guess consider what sort of support is lacking, social, personal, professional etc and then see if you can expand this network with her. It might be as simple as joining in on some hobbies that she has and perhaps joining a community group so she has a chance to meet more people with you there as support. It might be offering to see her therapist with her.

You may also like to visit the borderlinesupport website, or suggest this to your girlfriend, they are Melbourne based, they offer support groups for people with BPD, and if you guys aren't Melbourne based there's a huge range of resources and online support available.

AGrace