My daugher has been diagnosed with severe depression and high anxiety

[KarenT]

Hi. I'm new to the forum. I joined because my daughter, who attends university in another state, has recently been diagnosed with severe depressive disorder and high anxiety. A suicide attempt a few months back was the first indication we had that she was struggling. She has seen a GP, who put her on anti-depressants and benzodiazepenes to help when she feels the anxiety building.

She is seeing a psychologist, initially every 2nd week, but recently increased to every week. She has also sent her back to the GP to get the dose increased on the anti-depressants. She was going to come home for 2nd semester, but the psychologist told her that wasn't a good idea because that was too safe and running away from her problems.

Being so far away, I just don't know what to do to help her through this. I get phone calls that worry me sick because she sounds so broken and sad. I'm just looking for other people who are going through this as well. I don't know how to deal with her other than give her love and support, and I'm so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing - she seems so fragile.

[Carmela]

Hi KarenT, welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out. I don't have experience in dealing with a depressed child, but l can sense your fear and concern for her welfare. It must be tough and as a Mum myself, I can understand your frustration in just wanting to be there and help her.

I can see a positive in that she is speaking with you and sharing her feelings. This is a great step and l would encourage and remind her that you are always there. Talk to her frequently including asking about suicidal thoughts. It may be a relief for her to talk to someone close to her about this and not just the Psychologist. When you are chatting, can l suggest that you breaking up the conversation with some low-stress, low-distraction opportunities, like talking about her friends, social outing, etc? It will ensure she understands her life is more than just her mental illness.

Does she have some close friends that she can turn to on those days that prove a little difficult for her? If she is shunning friends or gatherings, you might like to gently encourage her to keep her social life active as it will provide a support system that is essential to someone with depression.

One of the important aspects of supporting anyone with mental illness is to read up about depression and anxiety – symptoms, causes and treatment. The more you know, the more you can help her. If you are both are the same page, it will take the stress off her in trying to explain it all to you.

Finally, it is difficult to know what to say. But a simple reassurance that you are there and love her is a great start. And also letting her know, no matter what, nothing that she can say is more upsetting to you than being unable to help her because she is afraid of hurting you. This should keep the communication channels open and active.

You are a wonderful supportive mum, and this is critical for your daughter's recovery. You are doing a great job under difficult circumstances, so be patient as recovery takes time.

I hope l have helped you in some way. Please contact us again and let us know how things are going.

Carmela

[Kathryne]

Hi karen,

I see Carmela, has provided some great ideas.

Always keep the open lines of communication.

I personally disagree with the psychologist coming home and having a safe haven to explore and solve her problems. May assist. I assume you have a good GP and you could find psychological help near you.

University in another state can be awesome or awful. Depending on many factors.

I agree with Carmela that it's important to keep the lines of communication open.

Could you go visit her if you decide that she is not returning home. Have a Frank and open communication and decide what is your daughter s best interest , then act upon that decision and support her in following through.

Regards Kathryne

[Loving_Through_Blue]

Hi KarenT.

I am new to the forums but came across your post and just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful, supportive Mum and I hope everything is going ok.

It must be hard being so far away. The fact that your daughter is talking to you on the phone is a good thing and shows she values your love and support. Keep doing that. Our children need that, especially at this time.

K

[Nikkir]

Hi Karen,

Thank you for sharing and reaching out to us here ! Very brave. It sounds like you have alot to deal with and feel frustrated that you cannot be there with your daughter to make sure that she is ok and support her, that must be very hard. I love that your daughter is at university even if it is far away, wow what a great pathway in life, it must take alot of intelligence and discipline and strength for her to be away from home and doing such high level study, what an amazing achievement for her and for you to let her go. I am sad to hear that she has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Do you think that she is receiving the right treatment? Is it helping ? It is good she is seeing a psychologist once a week, alot of people who are really depressed or other disorders won't engage in therapy, so that is a good sign even though it is hard to know she is suffering and you cannot be there 😞 Is it possible for you to visit her ? does she want to come home? Maybe if you havent already ask her how she feels and would like things to be. I also think its important for you to take care of yourself because it is alot on your mind worrying about her. Try to do something you like each day just for you. Do you have support for yourself. I can relate, the family member I care for has Borderline Personality Disorder and severe self harm and is often in hospital or sometimes incarcerated where the anxiety is at its worst and I cannot visit or check up how she is going. After making myself sick and almost to break down point I decided I needed to work on self care, so now I do yoga, meditation, study and try to learn about how I can help her, I did a course last week. I go swimming and sometimes meet people for coffee and do this as well 🙂 Please feel free to write back to us or call us on 1300 22 4636 anytime, we would love to hear from you. Our thoughts are with you and your daughter xx Nikkir