My boyfriend is suffering from severe depression...

[AriaL]

Hi,

my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. At the start of our relationship he told me that he has severe depression and that he was self harming before we got together.

a few months in I realised that maybe his depression had gotten a bit better because he had changed (for the better) and wasn't so sad anymore

now after a year it's changed back to how it use to be.

we recently moved in to our own house and he has gotten really sad and not talking to me much, he stays up late hours of the night, he goes to the gym every day (he never did that before we moved) and he is always angry about something I say.

i talked to him today and asked him if we are okay, he said we are fine. I asked if he was okay and he said he doesn't know.

i know that his depression has come back and has hit him hard. I just don't know how to help him or how to get his mind of whatever he is thinkjng

i need help please...

thank you in advance.

[Doolhof]

HI Arial,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here. I am not sure if you have had a look at some of the other posts here on the form. There are plenty of stories about people not knowing how to help partners, friends and family members with depression.

If you have a look at the resource section, you will find advice on how to help people with depression. This may help you better understand how your boyfriend is feeling.

You can also use the phone help line on 1300 22 4636. The people answering the phone will be able to help you as well and offer suggestions.

You could go and see your Dr and explain the situation and ask what services are available in your area. Would your boyfriend attend an appointment with you?

Drs can print out forms where you answer questions, depending on how you answer them, it will indicate how depressed a person is. Sorry, I have forgotten what these forms are actually called!

The more you read about depression, the more you will understand it. I do suggest you start with the resources here.

Let your boyfriend know that you are there for him.

When I am really depressed I don't always know what will help me. Your boyfriend may be the same. Offer your care, love and support. Also look after yourself in all of this. As hard as it maybe, try not to take all your boyfriend says and does to heart.

Depression can be a very confusing illness. Remind your boyfriend that things have been good in the past. Ask him what things make him happy, what has helped in the past and see if you can replicate those events and happenings to maybe revive some of his previous happier moments and feelings.

Hopefully others will make suggestions and offer some advice on what has worked for them.

I do wish you both all the best, try and keep the communication channels open between you both.

cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

hi Arial, I'm sorry to hear the news that your b/friend has gone back to how he was before, because and not meaning any harm towards you, is that when a relationship begins and one of you is suffering from depression, is that he feels better because he has started a new relationship, it's exciting and and has plenty of different adventures to explore with you, different surroundings and maybe new people to meet, so his life has a new meaning to it, but as time goes on the excitement has worn off, he will still love you, but the meaning of love has changed, it's not being on cloud- 9 any more, it's changed.
It's not pleasant to know that this has happened, but all relationships and marriages are all the same over time.
You can't blame yourself and it's not your fault and please don't believe that it is, but this is where he needs to go and see his doctor who may put him on antidepressants (AD) as well as giving him a mental health plan, which entitles him to 10 free visits to see a psychologist.
The big mistake that people make is that they either deny their depression or refuse to go and see someone about their troubles, and it seems as though they go back a long way, and I'm not going to speculate what they could be, plus it's not fair if I do.
This may seem to be an enormous job for you to do, to convince him to get help, and if he refuses, then we will have to look at your situation in another way, but please let us know. Geoff. x