Living with depression and a parent with BiPolar

[hannaxo]

Hi everyone,

My father has been living with manic depression since I can remember. He attempted to take his own life during my childhood but I was never exposed to these events, as he would go "away for work".

It has recently been discovered that my dad was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder many years ago however stopped taking any forms of medication a few years ago during the happy times of his second marriage.

A few weeks ago, whilst going through his second divorce (the first to my mother when i was 8), my dad attempted suicide. It was a planned attempt which resulted in hospitalisation and after being released, daily visits from the cat team (who have been amazing).

I have been dealing with personal depression for over 5 years (I am now 25) and have been seeking professional help on and off. This is unknown to my father, as I never wanted to burden him with my problems. Due to his divorce, he has been living with me for the last few weeks. It has been the hardest few weeks of my life. Waking up not knowing what he will be feeling that day, listening to his threats of suicide and his unstable emotions have been too much for me to handle.

I have recently approached him explaining how I am not coping very well and that we will need to find him other accommodation.

I know this is very selfish of me, but I have been getting very scary thoughts that I havent had for years come back to me, as well as an ongoing stomach sickness, headache and absolute lack of sleep or any concentration.

Does anyone who has a parent with bi polar or depression have any advice?

I have been trying to put a brave face on for him, but I can feel myself cracking very shortly.

thank you for listening to my story, I feel very alone at the moment and it's very calming to type on here 

[Neil_1]

Dear hanna

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

The situation seems to be a difficult one - especially hearing about how much you are struggling and on top of that, you have your Dad as well.

Has he indicated that he will not go back to seek professional help anymore?  Or possible medications?  Which are there and designed for situations like this, as I'm sure you're already well aware.

Are there any other family members - siblings that you may be able to call on for assistance at this time?   Possible friends?

Are you seeing any professional psyche at the moment?  Or on medication yourself?

When you approached your Dad telling him how you are with all of this, was his reaction back an ok one?  Was there much chat about this situation on his behalf?  And did he think the seeking out alternative accommodation suggestion, a good one?

I do hope you can get back to us.

Kind regards

Neil

[hannaxo]

Hi Neil,

Thank you kindly for your reply. Since this post, I have had a meeting with my brother and Father and have respectively asked him to find other accommodation. It was very hard as I am very close with my Dad. He hasn't done anything wrong, however emotional blackmail is very very hard for me to tolerate at the moment.

Unfortunately my Aunty also battles with Bi Polar and extreme anxiety and can't have anyone at her house. My brother moved into his gf's house and refuses to offer help. My Dad has said his friends won't help him, but I feel it's more of a "pride" issue.

I feel absolutely terrible, however my mother and several professionals (including a quick private conversation I had with a CAT team member) strongly suggested I needed to put my self first and seek professional help also. I am very unstable.

My father plans to return to his house this weekend. His ex wife is a trigger for his episodes, so I am very nervous. If he goes downhill again, I know I will be the first person he calls..... I am so so unbalanced, I really need to be away from this all for a while. 

Should I go through a GP referral? In the past my mum has put me onto professionals, I have never found one myself....

[AGrace]

Hi hanna,

Sorry it's taken a while for someone to get back to you.

I wanted to start by saying you are not at all selfish. In fact you are being very smart by looking after yourself. When you are not stable there's no way you can look after your father as well. By getting the help that you need you will hopefully be able to continue your close relationship with your dad.

I gather the weekend for your father to move back home has passed. How did this go? Are you feeling a bit better now that you have your space back? 

I think your dad's accommodation arrangements are something that your dad and his now ex wife need to sort out. Have you been able to speak with his ex-wife at all? I'm not suggesting you do this now, just wanted to know if you already have.

If your father is still making suicidal threats, then perhaps being back in hospital is the safest place for him right now. Perhaps you could suggest to him that if he goes downhill he contacts the CAT team - this is exactly what they are there for.

In terms of seeing a Psychologist. If you make an appointment with your GP (or one of the GPs on Beyondblue's website) you will be able to request both a referral to a Psychologist as well as a mental health care plan. The referral can be with who ever you choose (so you may want to search Psychologists near you). The health care plan will ensure that Medicare covers the cost of your first 10 sessions with the Psychologist.

I hope we will hear back from you, and again, apologies for the delay.

AGrace