Is it a purposeful harmful choice, or the result of having bipolar disorder?

[TornTabby]

Hi Everyone,

(I think I'm in the right thread, if not, please help me to the right one).

Pretty much, a now ex-friend of mine has type 2 bipolar disorder & I suppose my question/query was how much does bipolar disorder have an effect on peoples actions/their choices?

This friend of mine has done terrible things to me in the past few months; like sleep with my boyfriend, write either passive-aggressive or straight up aggressive notes on my fridge (we WERE roommates), she had been spreading lies about me to other friends, that I was somehow at fault, and deliberately ommited she slept with my partner when telling people these lies. She has taunted me with notes, actions around the house and had maintained persistent manipulation and psychological warfare. She has gone on to blame her bipolar for her actions and said that she "is a ****"when she drinks. How am I supposed to tackle this problem when someone has been so cunning and cruel? I have gone on to move houses, block her, etc. But my own mental health issues are prolonging and emphasizing the problem even without her presence in my life anymore.

I suppose I want to know if some of this is a result to her mental illness, or if she is just a terrible terrible person?

Thankyou,

TornTabby

[white knight]

Hi TT, welcome

Ive thought about my answer. I've got bipolar 2, much less severe than bipolar 1. I've known a lot of bipolar 1 people in my time particularly while working in prisons.

Imo bipolar doesnt make you this or that, it doesnt make you violent or manipulative. However if you are a violent or manipulative person and you have bipolar, the condition could make matters worse. One might be more emotional, reactive or abuse addictive things ( bare in mind I'm no qualified person).

Those with bipolar can live calm productive lives....same with any mental illness. Put them in an unstable environment surrounded with disfuctional family life or friends and it simply magnifies the problem.

The difficulty we have is separating the personality to the illness. With personality one could compare the sufferer with other blood members. With the illness depending on the severity of it and how effective medication can be to that individual...one can only guage its role by excessive behaviour.

Its difficult to evaluate the person. In my view as l have bipolar, the illness is part of me. ..my behaviour is going to quell as l get treatment and medication but not substantially alter my character.

Tony WK

[TornTabby]

Hi Tony,

Thankyou for your reply.

In hindsight I wish I had phrased my question a little better. I know that no person is their mental illness or their personal problems.

I suppose I was struggling to understand how someone could be so nasty, and perhaps hoped it wasn't down to the fact they were cruel because they wanted to be & it had come down to something else. I find it hard to wrap my head around such behaviour from someone that I have known nearly half my life.

I understand mental illness can make things difficult, by exacerbating already present problems (I have a degree in a related field, which still couldn't help me process this somehow), but, I know it can make things worse...I guess I just dont know how to tackle such an issue, when it's already difficult to know how to help people with mental health issues, but how can you help them when they be so terrible towards you? How am I supposed to react to all of this? I'm having someone blame their mental illness on their behaviours...I struggle to comprehend it Tony.

TT

[white knight]

Ok Tt, l get you now.

Its difficult for us to summarise in one post what you mean. No problems

I think to blame your illness is only acceptable when

A/ you have a complete insight to your condition

B/ you are and have been for some time, sort treatment for such condition

C/ that one reflects and shows remorse.

Bipolar can have extreme moods. That comes with a certain degree of unawareness. Even after many years of treatment and mood stabiliser and anti depressants l can be in a bad mood and unaware of it. Often for me its triggered by lack of sleep. My wife and l will argue, I'll get frustrated and so on....only the next day after 10-12 hours sleep do l feel the radical change from the day before. That follows with an apology and all is ok. That happens about once every 6 weeks.

In your case l cant judge too much but where there is nastiness, manipulation, spite, mistrust and possible violence l dont believe the radical changes needed will come about, needed for harmony.

I know this well. My mother is a walkin b train wreck and has ruined a lot of my life. Wedding ruined, relatives manipulated to disown me and my sister etc. It was that way for 54 years then my sistet and l drew a line in the sand ...enough!. We havent seen her now for 6 years. She'd be 85yo now.

Toxic people are common. Some are jealous, some cruel, some ill but wont do anything about it, some in denial and some, especially the younger generation now, will not acknowledge their faults.

Best to rid the personperson from your life.

Some other illnesses might be associated with your ex friend.

As an example only...google....waif queen witch hermit

It might all make more sense to you.

Tony WK