Im really struggling and don’t think I can cope with my husband depression any longer. Help.

[GyspyGirl]

My husband of 12 years, partner of 18years was diagnosed with depression 11years ago and up until the beginning of this year we have have been coping with it and dealing with each day as it comes. He has his good days and his bad. We have an amazing who has helped us every step of the way. It took trying 5 different medication before we found the one that was right for him and he’s been good for the past 3 or 4 years, until this year when I hurt myself and was in excruciating pain for 3 months until my medication started to work. I couldn’t do I thing, I was bed ridden and this really effected him, not that he’ll admit to it but I could see it change him every day. It’s been 10 months now and I’m now on a waiting list for an operation, I still can’t do anything and as much as I’m not in any pain because of all the pain killers, it still really upsets him and he’s depression is out of control. He is in a really dark place and is self distracting. He does and says the most horriable things to me trying to hurt me hoping that I’ll walk away from our marriage. He’s not violent towards me but very verbally abusive. I found out that he has been using a website to has webcam sex with other woman, i’ve caught him 3 times now but I know it’s been going on for awhile. After the second time I told him that if I catch him again I would leave him and he promised me that he wouldn’t do it any more and closed his account in front of me. Stupid me for believing him. Now I’ve found him for the 3rd time and I can’t deal with it but i don’t think I can leave him, he is the love of my life and I don’t want to be with anyone else but this is killing me. The worse part about it is he doesn’t care about what it’s doing to me or how it’s destroying our marriage. He won’t go and see our doctor and has attempted to end his life twice, he told me that he thinks about it all the time. This is terrifying and I don’t know what else I can do to help him especially because he won’t help himself. Please help I’m so lost

[Blue_Jane]

Hi GypsyGirl

Sorry that we have taken so long to respond to you...secondly, welcome to our forums! We hope you find the community useful and supportive.

Well done to both you and your husband for managing his depression so well. It is a tough and long path but often we get on top of it which is so satisfying.

However, sounds like 2017 has been really tough. Sorry to hear about your injury. I really hope you get that operation soon.

Trust is such an important part of a relationship. Even though he is struggling it is no excuse to lie to you, especially repeatedly. And being verbally abusive is not part of a loving partnership.

Is your husband sorry for his actions?

My ex had depression and I do know that when someone is in pain mentally, that they often try to hurt the person closest to them. This is because they are feeling so angry and guilty and think that their partner is better off without them - so they try to push them away.

There are some great links on our site: under Supporting someone. It provides a more professional view which might help you.

In the meantime, are you able to see your GP and speak to them about what is going on? They might suggest a mental health plan so that you can see a psychologist or they might suggest that your husband comes in separately?

At this point, it is so important that you look after yourself as you need to be strong for the operation, and for yourself in general.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane