I want to help my Dad with his depression, I don't know how to start.

[Peaches07]

Hi there.

First timer here.

So, I'm an only child to my Dad. He has been in and out of a rocky relationship for 20 years (with my step mum) but it has now ended for good. My dad and I have always had a close relationship and I have throughout the years been there to pick up the pieces when things have fallen apart. He has suffered depression for a long time and since this last and final break up his depression has gotten worst. Also due to the recent death of a close family member. I listen to him if he needs to talk but I don't know what to say to actually help. He can be very stubborn and won't go for my suggestions of going for a walk to get some fresh air or getting a hobby etc.

i hate seeing him this sad. It's like my funny happy Dad is stuck inside a giant coconut shell and I just wanna break him out.

hope you can help.

cheers

[MsPurple]

Hi Peaches

You sound like an amazing daughter. It is lovely to see how much you love your dad and how much you care for him. A parent couldn't ask for anything more.

I am glad you have come to the forums for some advice. I just want to remind you we are predominately a peer support forum, so we are not professionals. We try out best with answers but they may not be what you are looking for.

My mum was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was around 10 years old. Growing up (and sometime still) I didn't know how to help her and be supportive. What you have done is a good start. Come on the beyond blue website looking for importation (if you haven't found specific information on depression at the top of the page go to the tab 'the facts' and go to the dropdown 'depression) and coming on the forums. I found just listening to my mum was helpful to her. Sometimes they just want someone there to listen and acknowledge their feelings. I also would tell my mum when I was worried about her. I was worried that my mum wasn't doing as well as she was letting on, so I encouraged her to see her psych. I told her it is up to her whether she goes but I would like it if she considered it, I didn't go into why she should go but I just reminded her that I cared for her, was worried about her and that I just wanted her to go for a review and have a chat to someone she could be open with as they don't know you personally. She was glad I did because she went, got her meds reviewed and had some therapy, she said that psych was the best she had seen in a long time and now she is at her most mentally well. It is hard to support a loved one but you need to find the fine line of support and suggestion. You don't want to be too pushy or they will push you away. If they don't want to get help, just listen to them and later try the suggestion again in a different way. I also found some people say writing a letter of love and concern helpful as they could make sure it came out the way they wanted it to.

Hope some of this advice helped. You are doing a great job and you need to remember that you are doing your best and at the end of the day him getting help is his decision and you can't force it upon him

MP

[Peaches07]

Thanks for your response MP.

Thank you for your kind words.

i like the writing a letter suggestion. I haven't tried that before. I have mentioned counselling before but he just gets mad.

i do try to listen to him (as I always have done) but it plays on my mind and makes me upset. I did find that writing on this forum was a good way of getting if off my chest. I try not to bring it up to close family much as I don't like to burden them.

it is a very fine line between support and suggestion. he has always been kind of a nervy person (runs in the family) so he can get upset pretty easy.

hope your mum is doing well.

cheers Peaches

[Chrispie]

Hello Peaches Seeing your post has made my day. What a gorgeous girl you are. I have ups and downs with depression as your father which can be so energy sucking and debilitating. Today I am feeling low. I don't know what your father is really thinking, however for me as I felt myself spiral my negative thoughts just flow in and it hurts my head. I have three daughters and I would love one of them to sit beside me and say I love you Mum. Are you ok? How can I help? Maybe just a hug. For 2 days I have felt unwell due to a bad headache and then I start to feel depressed. Last night I had a terrible nightmare. It spirals out of control. I'm just waiting for someone to say something and it usually helps me. This is not practical or helpful thinking but it's what we do to ourselves. Today is my youngest daughters 16th Birthday and I should be over the moon. She is a beautiful girl like yourself. Keep being you because your love is just what the doctor ordered. ❤️ Chris

[Simmo123]

Hey peaches I'm no expert but what your doing is wonderful.im father of 3 boys ihave been a little stubborn in my days and short tempered.recently had heart attack you start to see things differently.lifes short your dad must be a good guy to have such a caring daughter .tell him you love him and give lots hugs just knowing our kids care helps. I hope that helps a little.I'm new to all this .

[Peaches07]

Wow thanks everyone, you all have made me feel better.

It's good to get some advice from someone who may be in a similar head space as him and to know that sometimes it's just the simple things that make all the difference.

Chrispie and simmo you sound like good parents. All us kids want is for our mums and dads to be happy and it's so awesome that you both have tried to help yourselves by talking on here. What your both doing is what I wished my dad would do for himself.

Your daughter will have a wonderful birthday as long as your there to give her a hug and a kiss.

thanks again everyone

[Chrispie]

You are welcome and I also find talking to someone is great medicine. Hugs to you and your Dad.

[geoff]

hello Peaches, you must be an enormous help for your dad, even though at times it may not be shown, but your support is terrific, but for yourself sometimes it's very hard for you to pick up the pieces because you may not be sure what to do or how to do it, but being there is something some parents don't have, so well done.
I must have been a handful for my two sons when I was suffering from depression and most times they didn't know what to do, that wasn't their fault.
There's not much different to an adult child trying to help their parent than a parent trying to help one of their children, although there are some anomalies because of the age difference and experience in life that could well be different.
Perhaps if you are able to browse through some of the many different sections I'm sure it will help you, but I do hope that you can get back to us and continue this post. Geoff.

[Simmo123]

Thanks peaches. It is the little things that make a difference. I'm sure your dad is very proud of you .good luck