I need to help my son

[How_can_I_help_my_Son_]

My son is 34 years old and has a serious gambling problem. I believe there is a deeper cause and he may have a mental health issue. He refuses to get help as he is a Mental Health Professional. We used to have a really good relationship but the gambling has turned him into a person I barely recognise. He lies constantly, has withdrawn and gets very angry with me when I try to talk to him. I have bailed him out many times, which I know is not the right thing to do, and in return he treats me very badly. His father (who was also a gambler) left when he was 11 years old and I have had to raise him and his sister almost alone, money was always tight. This is partly why it is so difficult seeing him throw away at least half his pay every fortnight at the TAB. I have tried everything I can think off to get him to stop but he just doesn't want to. I am nearing retirement and won't be able to give him any financial help, but it is the emotional toll that I am struggling to deal with. I am sure there is a deeper emotional issue that causes him to act like this, if only I could identify what his problem is so that we could try to address it. He refuses to have a meaningful relationship with his sister, and seem to think she and I conspire against him. I cannot discuss his problem with any members of my family or my friends as he would never forgive me. His father knows but is totally in denial, he lives interstate so can't really help anyway. I really need advice but please don't tell me to cut him loose.

[White_Rose]

Dear HCIHMS

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am so pleased you found your way here. I am sorry you are having such a horrible time coping with your son's gambling. I don't have any experience in this area, but there will be others who have experienced this addiction and they will be along later to chat to you.

In the meantime I suggest you contact Relationships Australia. Their web page is http://www.relationships.org.au/what-we-do/services/problem-gambling They provide help for gamblers and their families. If you contact them they can offer you help in managing  and help to get your son into some counselling. Their services are either free or low cost which will be good for you and your son.

You can search for other gambling addiction web sites and see what other help is available to families and friends. A good place to start is your GP who can point you to a local organisation.

The problem with kind of addiction is the need for the addicted person to recognise he/she has an addiction and then be prepared to give it up. No one else can make this decision, which is what makes family and friends feel so helpless. Have you taken steps to safeguard your own goods and bank account so that your son cannot steal from you. I'm certain you don't want to believe he would so, but as addiction tightens its grip, the person can lose all sight of right or wrong in pursuing his desire to gamble.

Please contact these two suggested people and also contact Gamblers Anonymous to see if they can provide any help. I would like to offer more help but my knowledge is limited. Please keep writing in.

Mary