Hello KimberleyM,
I don't have a partner with Bipolar, but I have BPD which exhibits similar traits to bipolar 2.
Regardless, when supporting someone with any mental health issue, it's super important to always have you at the front. Just because they seem to need you, doesn't discount the fact that they are still adults and you both need to look out for yourselves first and foremost.
It sounds like you've tried a few different tactics and that they didn't seem to work, but you get attacked for trying. I think that's unfair.
To me, there's a lot going on in his mind as well and we can feel sorry for what he has to deal with, but unless he makes the effort to try and fix things, it's just going to keep hurting you.
So I think this might be a good time to really have a think about what your limits are. Assuming he never changes - which is a possibility - are you still happy to be together with him? Too often we hear about people who say they want to stay with someone because they hope they might change. But the question then is how long are you willing to wait?
You don't deserve to be blamed for everything or told your useless or a control freak. You deserve someone who's willing to work with you on issues, to be told you're helpful and to lead independent lives that are enriched by each other's presence.
So I know I haven't answered the question in your topic about the right words to use. But I think the answer to that depends on what you're trying to achieve here. If you want to assert yourself, be assertive and stand up for yourself. You will probably hurt him and there may be arguments that can't be forgotten. But if you want to keep up the relationship in the hope that he will get help some day, a softer approach will help where you ask him how best to communicate with him, because you are struggling at the moment and you want to understand better.
James
