I don't know how to help my girlfriend

[speebonk3]

Hi,

I've been on this site a couple of times looking for advice, but never got an account.

My girlfriend has been suffering depression for a long time now, maybe 3 or 4 years. I've tried to help her in every way I can, but I just don't know how to anymore. I've spent hours researching, but I'm lost. She finally went and saw a therapist, after resisting doing so for quite a while, but it resulted in her breaking down in tears and shouting at the councillor. And now she thinks that proves that she is a lost cause and cannot be helped. She has self-harmed a lot, and has attempted suicide 3 times. Somedays she is alright, but others she is distant and quiet, completely different to her usual self. I never know if she is smiling for real or faking it anymore. She doesn't sleep and she rarely eats. Sometimes she hears voices putting her down and she occasionally hallucinates.

I don' t know what to do, at 15 I don't have any experience with this. I don't sleep anymore either, but I don't really care about me, it's my girlfriend that needs the help. So what can I do, she won't take medication and she isn't ready for therapy?

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[white knight]

Hi Speebonk3  welcome to beyond Blue froums

Firstly well done in being a caring boyfriend. A well crafted letter and a real carer to her.

The issue that stick out is her not taking medication that is prescribed. It occurs often. Many sufferers dont see their own behaviour through others eyes. Instead of seeking a review they just stop taking their meds. Incorrect action. They should report back to their GP in the least. By her not doing this you are battling uphill and issues will not fix themselves- unfortunately. There are so many medications now if hers isnt agreeing with her there are others to try. I tried 12 before I found the best one possible and it changed me forever for the better. You have to keep going. Until you can convince her to return to her GP preferably with you in attendance, then you will not sort these problems out.

Following that, you can then post back here asking for other suggestions to issues you have because many issues you have now will dissipate after medication is restarted. If you have difficulty getting her back to a GP you'll need to point out that she will be doing it for you and your relationship.  After all, if you had a life issue be it gambling, alcoholism and it was causing your girlfriend sadness wouldnt you try to fix it?

Take care .

[AGrace]

Hi Speebonk3,

Welcome to beyondblue, and thank you for caring enough to reach out for some support for your girlfriend.

I know that the beyondblue moderators have been in contact with you, and I hope that you will take their advice and make contact with them so that you can find some ways to get yourself and your girlfriend the help and support that you both need.

You mentioned that you are 15, and I am assuming that your girlfriend is also quite young. Do her parents know the troubles she is going through? In these situations, it is best if a trusted adult can be involved. If not her parents, then perhaps your parents, an aunty, or a friend's parents. It's a lot for a 15 year old to face on their own. Yet you have done a wonderful job by convincing her to try to seek help.

The fact that your girlfriend got upset and angry with the counsellor is not uncommon. I can't tell you the amount of therapists I have yelled at. Your girlfriend is probably feeling quite angered by the fact that she feels that she isn't able to feel happy, and that she feels so low that she is self harming, and contemplating suicide.

I cannot diagnose your girlfriend, but I do wonder whether she is experiencing more than just depression. This is why it's best for her to see a health professional. I think a counsellor was a good place to start, however counsellors are not always trained to deal with mental illness, for this it's best for her to see a Psychologist / Psychiatrist. You might even want to share this with her, so that she feels there are still avenues that she can take. I only say this because I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and my friend has Bipolar. Your girlfriend's symptoms sound like they may fit into one of these 2 mental illnesses. It might also help your girlfriend to do some research into both of these, so that she can see that she is not alone. A really good website to look at for Borderline is borderline support. If you google this you should find the site. For Bipolar you can google Bipolar support.

As I said, our support here shouldn't replace that of a trained medical professional, but it might give you a starting point, so that your girlfriend can regain some hope that there is still help available.

I'm happy to chat with you further. Don't forget just being there and listening can also be a really good form of support.

AGrace