I am in my final year of law and my partner is bi polar type 2

[Anna_Belle]

I am two weeks out from my exams and only 8 units left till I graduate. I have been with my partner for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He was first diagnosed with bipolar type 2 fifteen years ago. He self medicates; an anti-depressent and mood stabiliser but rarely has psychotherapy. I too suffer from mental illness, major depression which has turned into the occasional psychotic break triggered by drugs and/or alcohol. You must be thinking what are you doing, you're relationship is doomed - get out now. Or maybe that is what I am telling myself. The last 6 months have been fine aside from the odd up and down but this last two weeks I have felt him withdrawing, seething unfounded resentment toward me, flying off the handle at me, abusive even physically abusive one time - that being enough to make me get in the car and stay with my mum for two nights. Now I am home again but despite him trying to be kind and warm, I know it is just a facade because as soon as I stop pretending everything is fine and the white elephant in the room is there, he flies off the handle. To his defence, he is trying and admits that he is not well.

We are both from Sydney originally but now live on the Gold Coast. He does have a Psychotherapist (not a Psychiatrist) in Sydney and has said he will fly down for a session. Whether he will - who knows. I have been in this place before and I tell myself it will pass, but every time it happens, that he gets like this, I fear that he won't come out and I won't get him back. I feel like I 'm walking around with a knot in my chest, I can't focus on my notes or the legislation or case I am supposed to read. All I want to do is run but I don't want to abandon him because I love him. I can see he is trying but he just can't fight the thoughts that are running through his mind...

[hope4joy]

Hi Anna Bella,

im so sorry to hear how tough your situation is right now. I'm also a uni student and what came to mind is how much stress most people in my course are currently experiencing, with the end of semester and major assessments looming. So I think you're doing incredibly well, plus to be almost graduating. It does sound like an acute situation at home. I wonder if there is something temporary you can do to give yourself a better study environment for the last two weeks? It's not long but might really help you out. I also wonder if your partner is maybe jealous and threatened by your success in studies, and that might trigger him? Or if maybe it's just your stress that he reacts to?

i hope that things improve for you. It sounds like you might have some long term questions about your relationship but I think only focus on getting through the next two weeks from now. Maybe some others on here have some other support / suggestions?

kind wishes,

Christina

[white knight]

Hi Anna Bella welcome,

Christina touched on some relevant points there.

I'm bipolar 2, depression dysthymua etc. My wife has depression that sends her to bed. If anything we both believe we are lucky as we understand better than most the challenges we each face.

apart from the incident where got physical I think this relationship is repairable. I'm also on mood stabilisers and ADs. But although they quell the symptoms the wave of mood persists. It is something we live with.

So here us my views. Until your studies are finished find another room and stydym if required have a meeting with him to tell him your need to focus on this task.

You are not responsible for his happiness so he will need to entertain himself.

AtAt day 10pm when you have finished for the evening appear to him, share a drink and brief chat.

This segregation will reduce communication therefore reduce conflict. If he finds ways to interrupt you, argue or distract you then your needs are not his priority. If so reconsider your relationship. If he acknowledges your needs then he is considerate and things will settle.

Hope that helps.

Tony WK